Can God Be Just? Surviving My Baby’s Death
Guest: Katherine Gantlett
Katherine is a writer and C-Me facilitator. She studied theology at WTC (Westminster Theological Centre) and lives in rural Oxfordshire with her son and husband. She has a background in biomedical science with a PhD from the University of Oxford in HIV research.
Her book, Walking through winter, explores the journey through seasons of grief, informed by her own her journey of losing five children in miscarriage and one daughter at birth. She is also currently training to be a spiritual director.
Here’s a summary of this week’s story:
Can God Be Just? Surviving My Baby’s Death
In the quiet recesses of unspoken grief, there lies a piercing question that many who have walked through the shadow of profound loss find themselves silently screaming: "Can God truly be just?" It is a raw, unguarded inquiry that stems from the deepest wells of pain and disillusionment—especially when that pain involves losing a child, the most unnatural of losses.
Katherine Gantlett, a theologian, mother, and author who has navigated the harrowing journey of losing her baby daughter Libby, bravely shares her story with us. Her experience is not just a narrative of loss but also a challenging exploration of faith, justice, and the seeming silence of God in our darkest hours.
Challenge of a Stillbirth
"Justice in Pain." The phrase might seem almost paradoxical. How can there be any semblance of justice in the pain of a mother who has experienced stillbirth? Katherine's story, as raw as it is revelatory, invites us into the intimacy of her grief and the resilience of her faith. She does not offer trite answers or easy resolutions. Instead, she presents her life—an emblem of vulnerability and strength, questioning yet trusting.
Navigating through the stillness of the aftermath, where the echoes of a baby's laughter that were anticipated now linger as haunting silences, Katherine's journey challenges the very notion of divine justice. She speaks candidly about the stark realities of her faith being tested beyond the limits she ever expected.
Key Learnings for Surviving Loss
Surviving loss, especially of such magnitude, is not linear. It's punctuated with questions, anger, a desperate search for meaning, and even the temptation to retreat inwardly. However, Katherine emphasises that survival is tethered profoundly to one's community and faith, however shaken.
Community as Refuge: In the depth of her loss, community was the sanctuary Katherine leaned on. It was in the raw exchanges with those who dared to tread beside her in her pain, and in the honest grappling with their shared uncertainties, that she found fragments of peace. Community does not erase the pain, but it can become the crucible where the pain is shared and thus made slightly more bearable.
Faith as a Journey: Faith, as Katherine articulates, is not about the absence of doubt or despair but the persistence through them. It's about wrestling with the big questions—Is God just? Does He care?—and still choosing to trust, not in what we can see, but in what we hope for. Her faith journey through grief is not depicted as a triumphant march but as a laborious trek through rugged terrains of doubt and restoration.
Embracing Lament as Worship: Perhaps one of the most profound aspects of her journey is the reclamation of lament as an act of worship. Lament is raw, it's real, and it's honest—it's a spiritual discipline that permits us to remain in conversation with God, even in disagreement or dissatisfaction. Katherine teaches us that lament is not a betrayal of faith but an affirmation of it—a belief that God is big enough to handle our sorrow and our rage.
Conclusion
Katherine Gantlett's story is a gripping reminder that sometimes, the most profound theological insights come from the places of deepest pain. Her book, Walking Through Winter, explores these themes further, serving as a beacon for those navigating their seasons of grief.
In "Can God Be Just? Surviving My Baby’s Death," we are invited not only to witness a story of pain and resilience but also to reflect on our perspectives of divine justice, human suffering, and the complex interplay between the two. Katherine doesn’t provide all the answers—perhaps because there aren’t any clear ones. But she offers her life, her pain, her hope, and her unyielded faith as a testament to the possibility that even in the gravest injustices, there can be a path forward through faith and community. This is not just her story; it's an invitation to all who suffer to find a voice, to seek community, and to dare to question, even as we continue to believe.
Links & Resources from today’s story
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