Trusting God's Heart Even When Nothing Makes Sense
Today’s Guest: Funke Oham
Funke Oham is an award-winning mentor, author and speaker. She is passionate about inspiring women to discover their purpose and maximise their potential. She turned her own life around following the tragedy of losing two babies, which turned into a ministry (Always a Mum) that supports other women with this painful but often hidden issue. Her new book ‘Believe’ is out now.
Here’s a summary of this week’s story:
Trusting God's Heart Even When Nothing Makes Sense
In the intricate tapestry of life, there are moments that defy our understanding, where logic seems to crumble under the weight of our experiences. It's during these times that the true essence of faith emerges. This was the profound theme explored in an episode of the 'What's The Story' podcast, featuring the incredibly inspiring Funke Oham.
A Journey Through Life's Labyrinths
Funke's story is one of courage, resilience, and an unwavering trust in God. She shared her deeply personal and emotional journey of losing two babies, a heart-wrenching experience that challenges the very core of any individual. Yet, in the midst of this unimaginable pain, Funke found a strength that came from a place not of logic, but of faith.
Embracing Faith in the Face of Adversity
Funke's narrative beautifully exemplifies the concept of trusting in a higher plan, especially during life’s most challenging phases. Her resilience in facing two heartbreaking losses is a testament to the power of unshakeable faith in the darkest moments of life. This isn’t just about enduring pain; it's about finding peace in chaos. It's about trusting in a plan that goes beyond our comprehension.
The Transformative Power of Trust
One of the most striking aspects of Funke's story is her emphasis on the transformative power of trust. Trusting when the path is unclear, when the reasons are unknown, and when the outcome is uncertain, is a profound leap of faith. Yet, this trust becomes the very foundation that can sustain us through our life's journey.
God's Love as the Anchor
At the heart of Funke’s message is the concept of God’s unwavering love, an anchor in the tumultuous sea of life. Her reflection on this love is not just comforting; it’s empowering. It’s a reminder that we are loved, regardless of the circumstances, and this love is our stronghold in life's storms.
A Beacon of Hope and Guidance
Funke’s story is a beacon of hope, a guiding light for anyone navigating through the uncertainties of life. It reminds us that when the world seems confusing, when the answers seem elusive, and when logic fails to provide comfort, the heart - guided by faith - takes over.
In conclusion, Funke Oham’s story, as shared on 'What's The Story' podcast, is a powerful narrative of faith’s triumph over life's inexplicable challenges. It's a story that encourages us to look beyond logic, to trust in the unseen, and to believe in a plan greater than our own. It's a story that reaffirms, in the most profound way, that sometimes, trusting God’s heart is the only thing that makes sense when nothing else does.
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Hi everyone, and welcome to this episode of What's The Story Podcast. I'm Anna Kettle, your host for today, and I'm joined today by Funke Oham, who is an award winning mentor, author, and a speaker. She is passionate about inspiring women to discover their purpose and maximize their potential. Now, she turned her life around following the tragedy of losing two babies.
Which she later turned into a ministry called Always A Mum that supports other women with this painful but often hidden issue. Her new book, Believe, is out now and you can find more about it and everything else that she does on her website at Funkeohamp. com and we'll share more of that in due course as we run through the story.
But let me introduce our guest. So hi Funke, welcome to our podcast today. It's great to have you on.
Funke Oham: Hello Anna. Thank you for having me.
Anna Kettle: Oh, it's a pleasure. Do you want to tell us a little bit more about yourself? Who are you? What do you do? What does everyday life look like for you right now? [00:01:00]
Funke Oham: Okay, sure. Um, so, well, I've been married for about 20 plus years.
I've got two babies in heaven and two boys, uh, well, teenagers. The second is nearly, nearly a teenager, a few months, few more months to go. Um, Well, I run a support group for women. It's a community and we call it a safe community for women who've been through baby loss or women who are trying to conceive.
And, um, I've done that in different shapes and forms over the years, but in 2021, I set up a virtual community You know, just after the lockdown, uh, women join us from different parts of the world. Um, so still the same vision, still the same mission, uh, but it's a virtual community that takes place once a month online.
Um, I, well, I've got two boys, like I mentioned, so I'm quite busy in terms of, you know, Looking after them, um, I'm also quite committed in my local church, uh, so, um, involved in different ministries with young people, with the women, and, um, [00:02:00] you know, the church, well, all the aspects of, of, of church life. Uh, well, I've also written a book, uh, well, books, like you mentioned, the last one came out a few months ago.
Uh, so, um, I love, I love writing and I also do a bit of speaking when I'm invited to events and conferences, and I love inspiring.
I think that's kind of my main ministry, uh, that's the main audience I've been called to, to. I also work, you know, full time, uh, as a day job and, um, so yes, I'm quite busy most of the time, but I enjoy, um, working with people and inspiring and encouraging people.
Anna Kettle: Oh, it sounds amazing and definitely busy, but um, as you say, it doesn't feel like hard work, does it?
If it's all stuff you're passionate about and stuff that you feel called to and love. So, but yeah, a lot on your plate there, it sounds like. I, I feel tired just hearing about it all, to be honest. So I guess like we're here today to chat a bit more about your story, your background, some of the challenges you've overcome.
[00:03:00] Um, but I suppose we should start. Kind of at the beginning, so can you tell us a little bit about your early years, about how you became a Christian? Have you always been a Christian? Did you grow up in a Christian family? Can you tell us a bit about where you came from and how life looked growing up?
Funke Oham: Okay, so early years I was born in the UK and my family returned back to Nigeria where my parents are from. Um, I think I was about the age of two with my younger brother. Um, so So for me, I grew up in Nigeria, so I feel I'm more affiliated to Nigeria because that's kind of my early, early life and I'm grateful for the culture and the upbringing because it's given me the best of both worlds.
I came back to the UK at the age of about 17, 18 to study for my A levels and I've been here since then. So growing up, you know, I grew up in a Christian family. Um, so my parents, well, my, my, well, my dad definitely wasn't born again, and my mom was very committed in church. Um, so we went to a Protestant church and, uh, church life was [00:04:00] part of our, our family values.
So we were always in church every Sunday and I enjoyed going to church. Um, but I think when I, when I got to the age of about 11, 12, I, you know, I got to hear the Good News and the Gospel, and I, for the first time, I gave my life to Jesus Christ and I became born again, and um, I've not looked back since then, and I think that has played a pivotal part in my life in terms of, you know, my outlook of life in terms of, um, You know, making decisions and I think that was one of the best decisions I made because it's channeled my life in a positive direction and I think, you know, what will come to that bit in terms of when I face challenges, um, well, challenges I never anticipated I would face.
Um, my fate was what kept me going even though, yes, it was difficult at first because I couldn't understand why God would let such a, such a, well, terrible thing happen to me but my fate is what gave, was my anchor and that's what's, that's what's kept me going through [00:05:00] every um situation I've faced in life.
Anna Kettle: Yeah, that's really. Really powerful. Um, so tell us a little bit more about that, those challenges then. I mean, I'm sure there's been lots of challenges through your life in different ways, but one of those big ones, which we touched on in your bio was a baby loss journey, and you lost two, two pregnancies, two babies.
Um, so can you tell us a little bit more about that? How did that unfold? How did that feel, kind of? What happened?
Funke Oham: Sure, um, so you're definitely right. I think sometimes life is full of challenges, and so I've had my fair share, share of them, but I think the one that had the most impact was the baby loss, and that was something like I alluded to earlier on, I never anticipated or I never saw coming.
Um, so in 2006, um, you know, Well, prior to 2006, I had a short, short period of, um, infertility, very short, I would say, but, you know, the emotions that [00:06:00] go with that phase, you know, of, you know, looking forward to, to, well, conceiving, you know, wondering if it's going to be this month, you know, seeing your period and then you get a bit, you know, discouraged, you know, um, you know, going for baby showers and praying for others, you know, to conceive and then you go into naming ceremonies, so all of that.
You know, feelings, I did experience that even though it was only about a 16 month period, um, before I actually conceived. And conceiving was like one of the happiest days of my life, you know, seeing those lines on the pregnancy kit and finding that I was finally pregnant. Um, we were both overjoyed and, um, we had a, you know, risk free pregnancy, so there were no alarm bells ringing.
Although there were a few times my consultant said to me, it was a big concern, the baby was small, but because I'm petite, that was, it was of no, well, that was. There was no major concern and I had a scan five days before my due date and, um, the sonographer said to me, everything is perfect. You know, there's nothing to worry about.
So we went in on the day of labor, expecting to [00:07:00] come out of it after a couple of hours, my bundle of joy. I'd always imagined walking out of the maternity ward with a cat seat with a baby in there, as I've observed other moms and dads do over the course of the last, well, probably four to five months, um, going for antenatal, um, appointments.
Um, went into hospital, I was in a lot of pain and I just thought, well, maybe that's kind of what happens, it's labour and you've, you always hear the story. So, um, you probably think, yeah, it's
Anna Kettle: normal. And it's your first time, right?
Funke Oham: Absolutely. And then you don't know what to expect. So, um, you're kind of, um, a newbie.
Um, got in the check in. I think it was a bit difficult to, to find our son's heartbeat. Um, but eventually they did and, you know, I was being monitored and I was told, well, you know, it's still early stages, things will progress. And in between, I'm not sure, I probably dozed off cause I was quite tired. It was, you know, I got to hospital, I think about, I'm not sure if it was about 4am now or 1am, I can't remember now.
Anyway, 1am or [00:08:00] 4am. Um, so it was quite early in the day, quite tired, quite exhausted. I hadn't had much sleep, so I dozed off in between, and um, I was offered some pain relief because I was in a lot of pain. I eventually decided to take the pain relief, and then fast forward, opened my eyes, and loads of medics in the room, and I heard them say to me, Do you understand?
There's no heartbeat. And I'm thinking, what does that mean? That's not possible. Um, you know, how can I go from waiting to have a baby to there's no heartbeat? I mean, that vocabulary was never even in my head. So it just sounded really strange, but I thought, no, that's not possible. You know, we've prayed for this baby.
We've waited so long for this baby. I was in church the day before. I was still kind of active. So, I mean, I couldn't tell. I just thought, you know what, that's fine. Let's wait till the baby. And I'm sure the baby is just going to, you know, kind of start breathing and there'll be a, you know, even if at all, it was the case, there'll be a miracle.
Um, but our baby was born and first thing I noticed was, it was just silence. You know, you could actually hear a pin drop. Um, you know, my [00:09:00] mom was with us at that, you know, cause she'd come from Nigeria a few days prior to support and help with a baby. Um, so I think first thing my husband did was take the baby from the consultant.
And he actually started, um, resuscitating Isaac. So he was called Isaac, uh, and, um, nothing happened. And it was just like, everyone was just like quiet. Um, so yeah, it was a very awful experience. You know, it's something you just never wish to live again. It was something that you just wish never even happened.
And, and as the days and weeks came by the loads and loads of questions. I mean, we, we believe, you know, there was a bit of negligence on the hospital's part. Um, because it was slow to respond and there were signs, um, that, you know, his heartbeat was failing. Um, but they just allowed me to kind of stay, stay on till the very end and it was too late because what had happened was my placenta had, um, detached from the baby.
So there was no oxygen supply and that's how he passed away. And then I also got to find out afterwards I had proclamsia, which You know, when I never flagged whilst it was all so [00:10:00] sudden and there was nothing they could have done to stop it. So, but there were a lot of things because, you know, we went back and forth, you know, over the next three years after this happened and, um, we were going to take the hospital to court, but it got to the end and we had a three year
timeframe to actually take action and we weren't even close to it because we went back and forth with the lawyers but in the end i just thought you know what I am walking away from this I would rather channel my energy into helping others and supporting others. And that's what I've done and thenyou know, a few months later I became pregnant looking forward to that and then 6 months down the line, just a few days shy of 6 months I went into preterm labour get back to my daughter, Faith, and, um, she was alive for 10 hours and then, uh, she was gone. So it was a case of, well, we can't be going through this a second time. Um, you know, we, we kind of refer to scripture where it says affliction will not rise a second time.
That was something we prayed, people prayed for us. So we never expected to find ourselves in that position. But [00:11:00] I, what helped me was the fact that all the things I've learned from the first experience, I just thought I'm walking down the lane of despair of discouragement of, you know, you know, or of depression.
I just thought, you know what, I don't understand it. It does not make sense. And I even said to my husband, I'm not doing this anymore, , I just thought it was just too much. Let's just pretty consider alternative options, but. A few months down the line, I changed my mind and the same year we lost Faith. We lost, Faith was born on the 13th of February, she died on the 14th of February, and on the 24th of December, we were blessed with a full time baby, one day, well, before Christmas, Christmas Eve.
Um, so I, I mean, it's been a whirlwind of a journey, um. Three pregnancies in a short space of time but God has been so good and there were loads of takeaways I learned from that experience and I'm using that experience and that insights to help other women on this journey.
Anna Kettle: Yeah that's amazing, I mean I think on the one hand like you said it yourself there and it's like nobody ever expects pregnancy loss to [00:12:00] be their journey do they?
Nobody goes into pregnancy thinking this might not work out. You know, you know, I've talked on this podcast before about our journey with pregnancy loss and we never expected it either, but for that to, to lose two full term babies effectively at birth and after birth in the space of such a short time and back to back, I mean, that, It's fairly rare.
As you say, it's just like nobody expects that twice. That's just horrific. Like, you know, you're, you're incredibly strong. And I love the fact that you're like, I made a decision to not kind of go down the like, legal route, although you explored it, you know, and to kind of, Look for, to right the wrong in that way, but actually in the end you thought I can use this experience to help other women and that's much more life giving even in the face of that, those deaths, um, but obviously that's, that's amazing but there's a whole load of [00:13:00] grief and sadness and disappointment and emotion that's there in the middle and like how did you get through those days, like was your, obviously your faith was really key to that, like, yeah.
Yeah. Did you, I'm always interested in how people process grief. Did you sense God with you in it? Were you angry? Like how, how did that look in those early days when you're dealing with first loss and then a second one after that, which is just horrific?
Funke Oham: Yeah. I mean, it was, yeah, it was horrific and it was difficult.
Um, and I think because I was quite poorly as well with my first loss. It was actually just getting myself back into, back into good health. And that took a while, took a couple of years because I ended up with, um, high blood pressure. And, um, and even on a few weeks after, you know, Isaac passed, I'd gone in for a routine check at the GP because I was being monitored regularly, maybe a couple of times a week.
And I'd gone in and the GP, GP said to me, Go straight to the hospital because you could actually have a stroke as we speak. So my blood pressure [00:14:00] had skyrocketed and unfortunately I was sent back to the same hospital where Isaac had died. So it was probably about a week or two after. So it was still very raw.
I didn't want to be in the hospital. There were babies everywhere. So it was difficult to process all of that. Uh, and then, you know, I think on the door there was a sticker indicating that I'd lost a baby. And then one of the. Nurses or junior health assistants came in asking where was my baby? So that was even difficult to comprehend cause I just thought, didn't you read the notes?
You know, and don't you, can't you see the sticker on the door? So I had to start explaining what had happened to me. So there was loads of all of that and the people calling, living messages. Has the baby arrived? How are you doing? How's the baby? And they're having to recount, you know, what had happened and even some of that Points I didn't even know what had even happened.
So I spent a lot of time going through my notes trying to understand, 'cause it all didn't make sense. You know, it's like a bad dream and you're thinking, wake me up from this Turing. So I had to like do a lot of research to actually understand, um, the head of the [00:15:00] midwives, uh, came into our house to visit and apologize and, you know, we had loads of questions.
'cause you know, I went through all my notes. And I just took my time to go through everything to understand what had happened. And then, for me, actually, even though I felt the hospital was negligent, my real issue was with God, it wasn't really with the hospital, because I just felt, you know, why didn't you come to my rescue, God?
You know, you didn't tell me about this, and I didn't have any foreknowledge, it just came out of nowhere, I wasn't prepared, you know, um, I just felt, you know, you could have done a miracle. I even thought maybe, well, maybe, okay, there was a. Big up miracle in the, in the picture, in the frame. So maybe Isaac would have died and then out of nowhere, he rose from the dead.
So I had that at the back of my frame for a miracle and thought, okay, maybe this was what God was up to, you know, be all over the news, you know, this baby woke up, woke up, you know, so when that didn't happen, I knew the day we buried Isaac, I knew, okay, this was it. He's definitely gone. He's not coming back.
And that's when I began to actually process all of that. So it was difficult, but it took some time. to read the [00:16:00] Book of Job. You know, I just spent some time in the Book of Job. I also spent some time rereading the Popper's Driven Life because we read that as a church a while back. And I just went back into it with a fresh pair of eyes through the lens of pain and the lens of, of grief.
Um, and that book really, really helped me. Um, and then, you know, God began to say, to me, I didn't have all the answers. And it's been a journey. And I think over the years, I keep on learning more and more. Um, but during that time, you know, one of the key things I did ask like, Gideon was, where's God in all of this, why have you forsaken me?
Um, you know, and it was a case of, well, if God is, if God is good, then why has all this happened to me? And I think that were my questions to God. But over time, it began to explain to me that he's still good in spite of what I've been through instead. Spite of what I've experienced, and I began to realize what, you know, good, good means when we talk about God and what love means, you know, and I also came to realize that I was not forsaken.
I was not abandoned. And one of the scriptures God gave me in hospital when I was [00:17:00] back in hospital with a high blood pressure was Isaiah 4110. I just had the scripture. I'd never read it before. And I thought, what's in there? And I picked you up. Um, Isaiah 4110 has been an anchor scripture. Jeremiah 29, 11 is a scripture that I've.
had for years, and um, anytime I hit a brick wall, I go through a difficult situation, that scripture comes back to life. So that was another scripture that kept me going. So, scriptures, um, the words God spoke to me. Listening to other people's experiences also helped me. And I think, you know, knowing that You know, God's thoughts towards me were good and not evil.
And that was going to give me a future and a hope and bring me to an expected end. I think that was one of the key things that kept me going. And it was going to uphold me with this victorious right hand, as it says in Isaiah 41, 10. And it says, don't be afraid, you know, so all those scriptures were my anchor.
Um, and the dream of, you know, having a family and, you know, um, Looking towards the future helped me [00:18:00] and kept me through the time, but of course it wasn't easy and there were doubts, there were discouragements, there were fears, but the Word of God was my anchor. Yeah,
Anna Kettle: yeah, that's really good because I think in those seasons that we go through, whether You know, talked about baby loss, haven't we?
But any challenge, you know, any difficult time will challenge and at some point we'll all face death of some kind, won't we? Because that's part and parcel of being human. But, um, yeah, it's so interesting that you're like, well, those feelings were all there, but also it was the anchoring to the Word of God that kept you.
Kind of rooted, and yeah, and kind of gave you that hope, and I love that, that scripture was so central to that, that process for you, about separating, like, this is what's happened, this is how I feel, but this is the truth of God as well, and that's such, you know, just such wise advice, I think, for any challenge that, you know, listeners might be going through, I guess.
So, [00:19:00] I mean, you talked a little bit there about how all of this experienced your, you know, this experience, like, impacted your life and your faith, um, but you also touched on about how it also, you know, not straight away because there was a lot of processing and grieving to do that, but also that over time it taught you some resilience and has given you certain resources to, overcome other challenges and perhaps, perhaps giving you resources that you've been able to share with other people through your ministry since.
So can you tell us a bit more about that? What were some of those key learning points or things that you've learned in terms of that resilience and that ability to overcome through that scenario and maybe other ones that you've, you've hit on in your life that's been hard? Okay.
Funke Oham: Um, so I think, you know, well, I'm the kind of person that I tend to reflect on what I've been through and whatever I've learned from that process, I apply that to future kind of challenges if we, if we use that word.
Um, so one of the key things, [00:20:00] you know, I learned was, you know, that God is always with us. Um, even though we don't see the full picture, we have to trust him, you know, so it's, it's, uh, it's, uh, I think one of the questions, one of the midwives. Chris did ask me, um, in hospital when I was pregnant with my third baby, um, after the two losses was, do I believe in God, you know, so I didn't take that to mean, am I Christian, but it was more for me was, do I believe that God will see me through this pregnancy and bring me to the expected end?
You know, did I believe that God, so, so to say, wouldn't let me down? Because I felt God had let me down the first two times and he had the power to, to kind of save me or rescue me, but. I'm thinking, why didn't you do it? Um, so I didn't have the answer to that, but for me, it was about trusting God, even when it does not make sense, even when it does not add up, even when I don't understand what's going on.
So I take that outlook. And I think over, well, in more recent times, um, so we're talking about is. 17 year journey. In more recent [00:21:00] times, I've come to be at peace even when, you know, so to say the world is crushing, or my world is crushing and I don't get it. I've come to learn to just trust the perfect will of God, you know?
And rather than force and cry and like, oh God, change this, oh God, come faster come true for me. I just come and say, you know what he, he's got it all covered. You know, he's in my story, you know, and he has the perfect timing. He wants. Whoa, the best for me, even more than I want for myself. So I've come to trust in a loving father who cares for me.
And because I've seen it over time that he's never failed, even though when it all seemed impossible, even when, even with my third, my third baby, you know, my son. I mean, a few weeks before he was born, um, I was on a routine check cause I was in hospital cause I constantly, you know, monitoring me constantly because of my history and his heartbeat had just dropped.
I mean, I couldn't hear anything and, um, they were about to rush me into, um, do an emergency cesarean and I just thought, you know what, we're not [00:22:00] losing you. Whatever happens, just say to them, just get me in there, even though I never wanted a cesarean. I just thought, you know, we've come, we've come too far, 33 weeks, I'm not losing this baby no matter what.
You know, so, but I've seen God come through even difficult circumstances, even in other areas of our lives where it looked impossible. So I've come to, well, rest in the fact that God has me covered. He's got my back. You know, He's working for me and not against me. And I can just trust, even when it does not make sense, even in the middle of a storm.
You know, it says in Isaiah 43, that when you walk through the fire, so it does say you will walk through the fire, not that God will take you away from the fire, but when you're walking through it, you're Walking through the waters, you will not be overcome. So I think for me, it's that learning to trust God completely, no matter what it is, I'm going through and being at peace and not being anxious.
So I think over the years in recent times, that anxiety, no matter, no matter whatever it is I'm going through, has kind of subsided because I know that he doesn't fail. [00:23:00]
Anna Kettle: That's so good. And I think that that's really key point that you raised there in terms of, it's not that God takes away all the difficult things.
I mean, your story obviously shows that's not true. Um, but as we walk through the fire, like you say, or as we walk through the waters, we won't be overcome that, that he's there with us. It's his presence. And I think that's the key, isn't it? It's not that he says, oh, if you follow me, everything will always go your way, will always be easy because not that God.
Creates bad things in our lives, that's not true, but, but the fact that life is just sometimes difficult, that's the way life on Earth is, and yet it always promises His presence and His withness, um, with us in it all, and I think that's the thing, isn't it, that can lend strength and hope in even the most Hopeless of Situations, um, like, you know, yours could have been on paper and yet, even though it seems that way, it's like you've got this incredible journey of coming through it and hope and [00:24:00] also giving hope to other people beyond it.
Um, and you, you know, you talked a little bit there before about how, you know, you've gone on to speak a lot on this subject and you've written books on it and you sort of share, you know, you run a regular Um, group, sort of support group, um, on this whole area of infertility and loss for other women and do all kinds of other things in London where you're based, but can you tell us a little bit more about the book?
Tell us a little bit more about what else you're working on at the moment? What are some of the things you're involved in? How does it look right now?
Funke Oham: Okay, so with the books, um, so the first one I published, it was actually a blog and it was meant to be a blog, uh, well, to, well, get myself out there and start sharing my story because looking back, I've come a very long way since I was very shy, never told anyone about my issue.
I was very private, um, but I just felt this issue was too big to keep quiet about, especially for my culture and things have moved on, you know. Nearly two decades [00:25:00] on, but then this topics were not really discussed as much as they are today. And it's still a hidden issue, but there's so much more awareness compared to 17 years ago.
Um, so there was no one talking about it, especially in my, in my. You know, so I would go online and have to search and think, you know, who's been through this? Because people are just saying to me, Oh, it happened to me when they came to visit me. I'm like, Oh, really? Did that happen? I didn't even know things like this happened.
Even though you know, but you don't really know until you came knocking on my door. And so I just thought, why is no one talking about it, you know, because there were a lot of questions I had and I didn't have answers, you know, so. Um, of course I read my Bible, but there was a lot more I wanted to, why people that were, walked, well, that looked like me, women like me, that had walked through this express, I wanted to get their take on it, and how did they get through this, and there were so many questions, um, and I think that's what led to me, um, that's what led to me.
me writing my book and just detailing my experience. Um, and then when I wrote the first, well, the first book, which is the book I just published now, [00:26:00] uh, some of my sister in law said to me, well, maybe you start blogging so you can actually get an audience and test the waters. Uh, so I wrote the blog. And then I felt led to actually publish the blog, um, which was in 2012.
So I kind of put it all together in a more coherent fashion. Cause when I started blogging was more, whatever was in my head, I just brought it out. And I think I found that even therapeutic, um, um, as I had my, my sons then. Um, so I'd had my, another son in 2011. So shortly, three years after the first one, uh, my, well, my first one is alive now, my third born.
Um, so I just put it out there. So I published the other one and it was more. Kind of, you know, the issues I had with my faith, it was more around how I dealt with, with cultural issues around pregnancy, around sharing baby news, you know, around baby loss. Um, I talked about living again after my loss and finding purpose from pain.
So it was a very tiny book. Oh, it's called Always a Mom, How I Survived My Baby Loss. And I wanted to write that book because I wanted people to know that you can actually get through this. [00:27:00] You know, you can actually, um, you know, come out on the other side, a better person. You can come out on the other side, um, a more, well, a more intuitive person and a more resilient person.
And also it was just those issues I grappled with, you know, I also shared some of the insights I gained through this process. Shall I celebrate Mother's Day? So it was some of the questions, some of the challenges, you know, am I still a mother? You know, even though I'd lost babies before I conceived the other ones, you know, should I still talk about my children?
So there's lots of. Kind of questions that they might look like minor, minor things to some people, but these are the issues I grappled with. And I wanted to, it's interesting that other women kind of think some of those things and they want answers too. Um, so that was how we started. And then the book I actually wrote, um.
you know, about 12 years ago. I just didn't, I just didn't feel it was the right time. And he also had a different title. It was only when I started working on it last year, the title changed to Believe from only, it was only if, and it became Believe. Um, so yeah, so, and this, well, Believe, it's [00:28:00] more a chronicle of my journey.
from getting married and all the dreams and aspirations and all, all that, all the vision we had as a couple and going through that journey of infertility, baby loss, and then, you know, getting to the end of being blessed with two wonderful sons and, and the, so it's more a story. Um, and then the other ones were more kind of insights I took away on the questions and the process.
Um, so yeah, so two different books, but all kind of linked together, but from different lenses.
Anna Kettle: Yeah, it sounds, I mean, both of them sound really helpful, I think, as you say, one's really sort of the journey you went through, your personal story, and then, which I think is always powerful, and that's, you know, why we feature stories so heavily on What's the Story, um, because I think there's really, there's so much power in shared stories, isn't there, and, um, and you, you also, I noticed you said that, like, writing it down or blogging it also helped with some of the processing, and, you know, we hear that a lot here, that People start kind of writing it down [00:29:00] and maybe on the blog, it might be in a just personal journal, but actually that's part of the healing process is like thinking through it and writing through it and working through it.
But um, they both sound so great and then obviously the other one being more practical advice and I think that sounds like a great tool that even or the, you know, friends, family, other people that, you know, because it's not just the individual going through it, it's also, you know, I hear this all the time, it's other people who are wanting to be supportive but don't actually know what the right thing to do always is for somebody's, you know, been through loss or facing loss um so yeah I can imagine it's a really practical tool on both those counts like both for that the individual going through it and also those around them too to understand a bit more so yeah both brilliant resources they sound great and um yeah definitely Recommend that people have a look at your website to, um, check those out if you're interested in learning more.
And we'll put all of that information in the show notes at the end of this [00:30:00] podcast as well. Finally, one question that we always ask, um, all of our guests on What's The Story is what's one takeaway lesson? What's one big life lesson that you've learned up to this point in life? I mean, Obviously, I know there's probably lots, but if you could distill it down to one thing, what's that takeaway that you would always want to pass on to someone else?
Funke Oham: Well, very good question. And you're right, there are loads to take away. Um, so, but I'll stick to the point of you're loved, you know, I think that's something we talk about a lot in the waiting room, which is the community I set up with other ladies, uh, the one I mentioned earlier on, that we are really loved.
Um, because sometimes you can go through a Situation like this, and you feel really abandoned, you feel, where's God in all of this, you know, why would God do, well, do such a thing to me, so to say, but he didn't, but you know, there's nothing on the back of your mind that you expect him to come and rescue you, but I think [00:31:00] deeper at the center of it all is knowing that God loves you, and when God loves you, not it, not what, Human beings, He truly loves you and He, He only wants the best for you.
He will not do anything to harm you or to hurt you. And, um, resting in that love and knowing that we are loved will keep us through the seasons of life, because like you said, life is full of challenges and life indeed I've come to know is not a bed of roses, but through it all, we can know that the love of God