Guided by Faith: A Midwife's Triumph Over Burnout

What's the Story

13 Feb

Guest: Jan Burch

Here’s a summary of this week’s story:

Let us share with you a story that hits close to home, especially if you've ever felt stretched too thin. It's about Jan Burch, a midwife from Liverpool, who found herself wrestling with burnout amidst the hustle and chaos of the NHS. It's an experience that many of us can resonate with, particularly those in the trenches of healthcare.

Wards, Work, Wellness

Jan's journey unfolds in the wards where every day is a test of endurance. You're in a place where life begins and, sometimes, where it ends too soon. This is where Jan found herself, day in and day out, in our very own NHS. She talks about nights that felt like chaos unleashed, where emergencies piled up faster than help could arrive. Imagine having to juggle multiple critical situations, knowing that every decision could mean life or death. And here's where Jan's story takes a turn, and not for the better.

The Turn: When the Battle Intensifies

That pivotal night marked a turning point for Jan. The chaos wasn't new, but the weight of it all began to press down harder than before. That's the thing about burnout; it creeps up silently, then all at once, it's overwhelming, consuming everything in its path.

Holding onto Faith Amidst the Despair

Yet, in the depths of her struggle, Jan talks about how God was with her, and "He was very gentle, He didn't ask anything of me...so I didn't ever lose hope or faith." Jan's story about grand revelations; it was the quiet moments of prayer, the gentle reminders of hope in the midst of despair, that kept her anchored.

What was it that God taught you in all of this?

"I've learned it's okay to be really low, and it's actually really good to ask for help...[the] perfect Christian life, it's a load of nonsense. You've got to be real, be honest. God is still God, nothing changes in that respect. He has never left me. I've been silent to him. He has always been there.

Jan Burch's battle with burnout is a story of resilience, faith, and ultimately, hope. It's a reminder to all of us, especially those in the caring professions, that it's okay to acknowledge our struggles and seek the support we need. Holding onto faith can be a guiding light through the darkest of times. Let Jan's story be a reminder that even in our weakest moments, we can find strength beyond measure, a strength that comes from God.

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Sadaf Beynon: [00:00:00] Hey there, and welcome to What's the Story. We're an inquisitive bunch of hosts on a mission to uncover stories about faith and courage from everyday people. In doing that, we get the privilege of chatting with amazing guests and have the opportunity to delve into their faith journey, the hurdles they've overcome, and the life lessons they've learned along the way.
If you enjoy our podcast, don't forget to subscribe and sign up for our weekly newsletter at our website. www. whatsthestorypodcast. com. It's your direct line to the latest episodes and detailed show notes delivered straight to your inbox. What's the Story is brought to you by Crowd Church, who fully understand that stepping into a traditional church might not be everyone's cup of joe.
Crowd Church provides a digital sanctuary, a safe space to explore the Christian faith where you can engage in meaningful conversations rather than just simply spectating. So whether you're new to the Christian faith or in search of a new church family, visit [00:01:00] crowd. church. And if you have any questions, just drop them an email to hello at crowd.
church. They would love to connect with you. And now, let's meet your host and our special guest for today.
Matt Edmundson: Welcome to What's The Story with me, Matt Edmundson. I am chatting today with the incredible Jan Birch.
We've been friends for a while, right? Yeah. We've been, we have been friends for a while. In fact, you've been on Crowd now, you've hosted twice, so we thought it's probably long enough, really, get you on the What's The Story Podcast, dig in a little bit. So Jan, for those of you who don't know, Jan lives in Liverpool, but you're not a Scouser?
Yeah, I am.
Jan Burch: Are you? Welsh Scouser. I was born here. Really? Yeah.
Matt Edmundson: I did not know that. I thought you were born outside of Liverpool for some reason. So have you got a proper Scouse passport?
Jan Burch: Yeah, there's Liverpool on it. Yeah. Wow.
Matt Edmundson: Okay. [00:02:00] There you go. So Jan is actually from Liverpool. You don't sound
Jan Burch: Scouse though.
Family were Welsh, are Welsh. So I grew up with that influence, I think, of my voice. The Welsh
Matt Edmundson: influence. Yeah. To be fair, none of your kids sound Scouse either. They've grown up in Liverpool.
Jan Burch: Cause maybe, I don't know. Tim's from down South. I don't know. It's
Matt Edmundson: posh, isn't it, Tim? Yeah. Yeah. How did your parents feel about you marrying a
Jan Burch: posh boy?
Yeah. No, didn't give them any grief? No. Okay. Maybe a little bit.
Matt Edmundson: So, so yeah, so you're married to Tim, you've got three kids, your kids are very similar ages to mine. In fact, our kids went to the same school. Yeah. We've been going to the same church for a long time. Yeah. Yeah, we've got some crossover as we like to say, and let's dig into it, shall we?
So how did you? How did you, how did your Christian journey start? So were [00:03:00] your parents Christians, or did you?
Jan Burch: I wouldn't say they were, um, fully fledged. They were believers. Yeah. They were churchgoers, so they grew up in North Wales. Dad was from near Bangor, Mum from near Carnarvon. So they've, had church twice on a Sunday, maybe more.
So when they moved to Liverpool my brother and I went to a Welsh church. So I've got a sort of church background, I'd say from being born, but it was later on that we would probably call ourselves Christians, probably understood what it was about.
Matt Edmundson: So you grew up in a Welsh church in Liverpool.
Yeah. I don't, maybe there are, I don't know of many Welsh
Jan Burch: churches in Liverpool. There used to be about a good three or four. There was Waterloo, Crosby there was Heathfield Road in Wavertree. I [00:04:00] went to Stanley Road in Bootle and I'm sure there was another one somewhere. Those three were the main ones.
So when
Matt Edmundson: you say a Welsh church, what does that mean? Does that mean that they spoke in Welsh in the
Jan Burch: service? Yeah, the service was all in Welsh. The hymns were all in Welsh. Oh wow. The preaching was all in Welsh. So we used to, as children we used to have to learn a verse from the Bible. And recite it every Sunday.
I grew up learning scripture in Welsh but didn't fully understand what it meant. Yeah. I'd ask the odd word and, but yeah, Welsh was my first language. Wow. So Until when? Probably until I went to primary school. Wow. But my mum, to this day, still speaks to me in Welsh. Yeah. And do you speak back in Welsh?
I don't. Have you lost the I, I understand everything she says to me. Yeah. But I think [00:05:00] I was quite shy as a little girl,
Matt Edmundson: I don't believe that for a minute, I was, she said
Jan Burch: with a very stern face, any sort of, if she spoke Welsh or my dad, when they were picking me up from school or, I'd go speak English, just cause it drew attention, but all my friends loved it, now if I had my time again, I'd, Yeah, I'd totally be fine with it, but as you grow up, I was a bit embarrassed.
Yeah. My brother was a bit more bold than me, he was more confident. Yeah. So he would, when we went to grandparents, they would all speak Welsh to us and my aunties and uncles. Wow. But I would You know, I'd say, some things in Welsh but not everything. I was a bit embarrassed.
Yeah, which I regret, big regret.
Matt Edmundson: , did you, do you, did you speak Welsh with your kids?
Jan Burch: Mean, my mum has taught them and I've, say they know the odd words what things are, but they couldn't have a conversation in Welsh? [00:06:00] No. But Cerys and Jamie, particularly. Are really interested in the language and they've Jamie has on Duolingo done some Welsh, so he's really proud of his Welsh heritage.
It's more it's more important to him, I would say, than, um, the other two. That's really interesting. Yeah.
Matt Edmundson: Really interesting. So you went to a Welsh speaking school church, in Liverpool, and so what happened then? You, how did you come to a place where you thought, yeah, this is for me I need to make my, I need to stand on my own two feet.
That seems to be the common theme, doesn't it? You get to an age, if you grow up in a Christian home. Yeah. Yeah. Where you go, I've got to make this decision for myself.
Jan Burch: Yeah, no, I didn't really come to that until I was 17. Oh, wow. We carried on going to the Welsh Church until I was probably about 16.
So my brother will have been in 16, 20. Oh, wow. He probably, he was at uni then and but we [00:07:00] still had links, probably, I was probably a bit older, 16, yeah, 17, and my brother was at university in Bangor, North Wales, and in his second year, he took, towards the end of his second year, he came home and said I've become a Christian, and we were like, what?
What do you mean? So he, um, went on to explain that not only is Jesus real, still he's alive today, but you can have a conversation with him, you can have a relationship with him. And that just blew my mind. And although I wasn't, particularly looking for God, I had, I thought I had a faith.
Yeah. And I did believe in God. And my parents did it wasn't personal, it was, I wouldn't be able to really, I knew the Bible [00:08:00] stories from when I was a child, and but I didn't know Jesus, and my brother, radically changed his life so he came and said to me, I'm going to this church in Magal on Sunday, do you want to come with me, and I was like, yeah, Okay.
Because I love my brother. Yeah. I trusted him and he was just so excited he was on fire. Yeah. Yeah. And the first Sunday I went with him, I was probably nearly 17. And it was just, I'd never heard, Welsh Church, the singing's pretty good. Yeah. As you would imagine.
Yeah. It was always really lovely. But this was totally different and I understood what I was singing, I understood all of it. Yeah. And it was just, in retrospect, it was the Holy Spirit really, just in the praise and worship, and I just knew [00:09:00] there and then it was, this was what I wanted.
It was, it just touched me quite deep. Yeah. Couldn't really say what, but it was the Holy Spirit.
Matt Edmundson: That's really interesting. I think this is It's a common story in a lot of ways in the sense that people who would have professed to have been Christian in some respect, whether they grew up going to church, certainly, if you're in your, maybe your fifties now, your sixties, you maybe went to church a bit more than they do now, you had assemblies at school and you went to Sunday school and all that sort of stuff.
So maybe they went to church and would have, would say in their heads, Oh yes, I'm a Christian. Yes, I believe in the existence of God. Therefore I am a Christian. But actually what you're talking about there, Jan, is something different, isn't it? It's, there's, you you've taken that and gone a step further, maybe not a whole step further, maybe, like a whole block further, do you know what I mean, more than a step in some respects.
So what do you, what happened to you to make you realise actually there's more to it than this? So what was it your brother was saying? What [00:10:00] was some of the things that you were going, that's not my experience with Christianity so far?
Jan Burch: His sort of prayer, he was, his testimony really is he met a girl, he wasn't going out with her, but she was a friend who took him along to different, when speakers came to the uni and different things.
And he just had really great conversations with her, but he was really happy, had a girlfriend he'd been with for a few years. He was really sporty. He was in the football team, he. He had a good university life and he, they would play all different Welsh universities and different things.
And he said he remembers having had maybe several months of conversations with this friend being on coming home from Cardiff or somewhere, on a coach, drunk out of his head. They'd all been drinking after the game. Yeah. And he said, [00:11:00] I think he was in the aisle of the coach on the floor, and he just remembers saying, God, if you're real, then you need to show me who you are.
And if you're real, I'll give you my life. And to hear words like that from my brother was a real great guy, before we, we were very close. He was always someone I could talk to and I respected him. He wasn't silly , he was a sensible sort of intelligent guy.
And when he told that, and he said, I, someone got me to my room. I don't remember. He said, but I just remember waking up the next day, expecting this horrendous hangover, he said, and I remember looking in the mirror and I was just radiant. Wow. And he said, and then I remembered the prayer. Yeah. And he said, no, I knew God had answered my prayer.[00:12:00]
I knew he was real. I looked completely different. . And some of a friend came to knock on his door and they were like, what? What's happened to you? And it from there, we just went on and. So him telling me those things about God, knowing him, about being baptized, the Holy Spirit, it was all new stuff.
I knew of it, but it hadn't impacted my life.
Matt Edmundson: He'd read the stories, but it had not really. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. And it's interesting, isn't it? I think one of the things that we pray for our kids more than anything is that they would not only have a head knowledge about God, but that they would actually experience God for themselves, right?
And having that assurance that actually, it's not just this weird thing, but actually I have experienced God. I have known God and God has known me. I think is one of those things, because I didn't grow up in a Christian family. And so I've no idea what it's like for my kids [00:13:00] who have, do you see what I mean?
I can't look at them and go when I was their age, I struggled with this because my mum and dad were like this. I had a very different upbringing. And as they're growing up, I'm thinking, it's great for them because it's safe, it's loving, it's kind, it's nurturing, it's all the things that you would want it to be.
It's fun, there's obviously the strong element of faith undergirds what we do as parents, but, yeah, having never grown up as a Christian, I just don't know, and so you do go, God, I just, my prayer is that they experience you like I've experienced you. Do you know what I mean, that they would know you like I've known you, it moves them from something that you do out of duty.
It moves from your head, it moves into your heart and it's something which is alive and it captures you, doesn't it? And yeah, that's always been my prayer for the kids. I
Jan Burch: think I was I would consider myself to have been a good person. My parents certainly [00:14:00] were, they were kind. Yeah. They were, they were good neighbors.
And they, I was taught not to lie, not to steal, just general principles. You don't have to be a churchgoer to have those, ethics, morals. So I grew up in a very moral home. So sex before marriage was a big no. Yeah. But other things were very gray.
Yeah. Yeah. My dad, would occasionally swear. My mum, very occasionally, not, quite mild. But I, if I'd have been caught swearing, it would have, I would have been told off. Yeah. Most kids would be, but there were certain things that, I wouldn't do in cases.
I did do some of them, but, as we all do, yeah, of course I was just a normal teenager. Yeah. But I would say that prior to my brother coming home and. Telling me what has happened, I unconsciously was looking for [00:15:00] something. I thought it was the right boyfriend. I thought it was some sort of validation in who I was and what I look like how appealing I was to.
The Opposite Sex. Those were the things that, although I, had lots of great friends I went out, I went to parties and my life was good. I was studying, I was doing my A levels. There was, I would come home from going out at the weekend and just be like, so upset. And my mum and I would sit in the kitchen, she'd wait up for me.
And she'd make me a cup of tea and we'd just talk and it was usually, I wasn't prepared to go so far with guys and they would go with girls who were, would. And that really hurt me. It was in me that I wouldn't do those things.[00:16:00] And I just think, thank God I was saved.
I became a Christian at the right time because that was starting to get a bit problematic. I liked someone, for a couple of years while I was doing my A Levels and he was having a big party and lived in a nice big house and I made a decision that if it went that way, I wouldn't run away.
But fortunately he lived in a nice bit of Liverpool in Formby and he was having this party. And I was totally, just in love with this guy. I didn't know him really. Yeah. Anyway. And he'd invited me to the party and I was so excited to go because in my mind it was like, we're gonna as of tonight, I'm gonna start going out with him or something.
Yeah. And my mum knew about him and different things. Anyway, I'm being a, I'm a spanner in the works, but I now know that [00:17:00] it was probably God. A massive thick fog fell upon Liverpool that one night. And particularly Formby, the sort of lowlands right there. It was just like a pea souper, as they say, and my mum was meant to take me, she said, I'm not driving in that, you literally couldn't see your hand, and I was like, please, you've got to take me, my life will be over, it was like, this isn't going to affect my whole life, and she said, Jenna, I'm really sorry I'm not taking you in that, so I was like, I'll get a taxi, and taxis weren't running as frequently, so So I had to phone and say, I'm really sorry, I can't come and he was like, okay, he wasn't really bothered, but I was devastated.
But I think God's intervened in
Matt Edmundson: retrospect. So did that happen before you became a
Jan Burch: Christian? Oh yeah, I think it was just [00:18:00] before. Yeah. Okay.
Matt Edmundson: It was. Yeah. And so it's interesting, isn't it? The pressure on young people back then when you and I were teenagers was really quite strong.
Yeah. It's insane now. To go and do things that just aren't great for you and the access to things on the internet now and the expectations and social media and the stuff that people see and you're just like , it causes you to fall on your knees and pray for your kids a lot. I think it's like, God spare them.
So growing up in that environment then, and obviously you, you became a Christian how has that impacted your parenting? Because obviously you grew up in a Christian environment, whereas I didn't. I'm curious, how has that impacted how you
Jan Burch: do parenting? It was, it was, obviously I married a Christian so having children, from where I'd go, they were part of the church that we go to and they went to certain toddler groups that were church related. And then [00:19:00] choosing schools and yeah we didn't send our elders to the Christian school straight away.
We weren't sure, cause we knew we wanted to have three. Yeah. Whether we could afford that at the time.
Matt Edmundson: Sorry for those listening and you don't know what the Christian school is. The Christian school is a school here in Liverpool. And it is a. Private school, you pay for your kids to go there.
A minimum, it has to be said it's a minimal fee. It's not what you would equate with a typical private school. And so that's what you're talking about, isn't it? If you send them to a Christian school, there is a financial cost, which you need to be
Jan Burch: aware of. Yeah. So we actually sent our first two to a normal school.
It was a church school. And it, and his, he was there for two years. But he was quite a sensitive little one. Not crying a lot or anything, but just he wasn't tough at that point. He wasn't boisterous. He was quite gentle. He was quite kind. We made a decision after several [00:20:00] months of, what do we do here is going in speaking to teachers and we prayed and felt God say, have a look at the school.
Yeah, we both went and that was a, loved it. Yeah. So for the next two we just sent them straight there. Yeah.
Matt Edmundson: Yeah, and they've they've grown up in the Christian, so part of your then, part of your parenting then, was obviously you put them in the Christian school. Yeah. Which was obviously very intentional.
And actually Tim works there. Tim, your husband is a teacher now at that school. He didn't
Jan Burch: at the time, but he now does.
Matt Edmundson: Yeah. And one of the, one of the stories I love about Tim is from one of the kids called Jeremy Prince who started to keep a written record of
Tim's most popular saying
So Tim would come out with these classic one-liners. Yeah. And still does. And still does. Yeah. Yeah. Which just have me crying, and so they, they've created a book of, we've still got it
Jan Burch: actually, . We've kept them .
Matt Edmundson: [00:21:00] Yeah. And why not? Why not? So you've you grew up in a Christian home, so your kids have grown up in a Christian home, so one of the things you did is you sent them to a obviously the Christian school.
But I'm curious, Jan, what are some of the things from your own upbringing that you thought, I need to be aware of that for my own kids, or was there not anything?
Jan Burch: Oh, I'm sure there's hundreds of things. I think being a good neighbour, I think being a good friend, that was important for me as a mum to instill that into my children and Tim's very kind man underneath all the bravado in school, he actually, he'll help anyone. I just think it was doing things together as a family. And I had a very close family, it wasn't perfect, there's no such thing as that, but there were a lot of things I wanted to emulate, and there were, as with everyone, a lot of things I didn't want to, um, but less yeah. So yeah, I just wanted my kids to be [00:22:00] secure. I wanted them to know they were loved, there was no pressure to do or be anything. It's just loving them and enjoying them, I wanted, my dad was great fun. My dad died when he was in his early 50s, sadly. He was fun when we were growing up and, I think I've tried to do that and Tim does. And you've
Matt Edmundson: got great kids to be fair.
I think Sam, your eldest is one of the most polite people that I've ever met on the planet and Cerys, your daughter is just, she still cracks me up. You won't know this, but you'll know this, Jan, but people listening to the show won't know this. When Cerys would come round our house when she was younger and just sit and chat to Zoe, there was no filter.
No. She had no concept of maybe I should say this or maybe I shouldn't and the stuff we found out about you and Tim was hysterical. Oh yeah. Yeah, I won't show it on the podcast, but Sharon and I would sit there and we'd just go, no tell us more, we'd totally encourage her. I bet you
Jan Burch: did. Yeah. Yeah, [00:23:00] I wouldn't have done it as
Matt Edmundson: well.
Yeah. No, keep going. Yeah. Keep going, Cerys. Keep going. Tell you the story. She doesn't do that as much these
Jan Burch: days. No, she's got a few more filters, fortunately.
Matt Edmundson: Oh, Grace. You obviously, you grew up in a Christian time. You've met him, you fell in love, you started having kids. What's been your career path?
Jan Burch: After doing my A Levels, I didn't particularly feel I wanted to go to uni wasn't anything that I really strongly wanted to do. So like my brother had done, I applied to YBOM, which is Youth With A Mission.
And that was based in Derby, Nottinghamshire area. It was a year team not just a DTS. So I applied for that. I went on what's called a selection weekend to this manor house in Derbyshire, which was beautiful. And I didn't get [00:24:00] selected. And I was gutted. Yeah. I met really great people on that weekend.
We had loads of fun. And I just thought, I'd love to do this. And they phoned me and said, I'm really sorry. There was so many people who showed an interest and we can only take blah, blah, blah. And I, I just remember thinking, I was just gutted and thought, what am I going to do? I just felt really disappointed and something like a few days later, four or five days later, I got a phone call on a Thursday night from the YWAM team saying we've had a rethink we would like to offer you a place, are you still interested or there's another team starting in in Ireland somewhere, if it was Dublin or Belfast, and or you can come here and I was like, yeah, no.
I wanted to say, no, I'm not interested, but [00:25:00] no, I said, okay yeah. I didn't fully understand what that was about. I did the year and loved it. It was a great. I was fairly young Christian at the time, young In My Faith and so that's solidified a lot of stuff for me.
Great.
Matt Edmundson: Yeah, the YWAM stuff's really, it's really interesting when you look at people coming out of YWAM and I don't know if you've got any experience with this, Jan, but there are a number of different people types I see coming out of YWAM. Certainly, when I was younger, when I was a teenager in my early 20s, and I know a lot of people coming out of YWAM, so there was the people went into YWAM, that the one group that came out, and they had what they affectionately called the mission blues.
So in YWAM, it is a bit of a bubble. Yeah. And some amazing things happen on YWAM, you see some great stuff. And you think this is great. When I leave YWAM, I'm gonna go work in YWAM. For you it was midwifery, wasn't it? It's having to go work as a midwife and God do all this amazing stuff.
And of course the reality of the [00:26:00] workplace and the, what happens on the mission field aren't always the same thing. And so people struggle with that. And so I've seen a lot of people come back from YWAM and not know how to adjust themselves to, and it's caused complications for them, I think.
And I don't think it's to do with faith. I don't think it's a lack of faith or, not God not wanting to do something. I just think it's a different scenario, different environment, maybe. Yeah. And then obviously there's people that go on to the DTS and it just solidifies their faith and they come back and they are just, it's just a great time
just to separate themselves from their career, from life, just focus on God for a little bit, get established in their theology and then attack. I didn't do YWAM. I did Bible school and it was the same thing for me. I think it was a brilliant time because it was so formational for me in terms of my faith and my theology.
So what type of person were you coming out of
Jan Burch: YWAM? I was definitely more confident in my faith in that sharing about being a [00:27:00] Christian. It just birthed in me a desire to travel. It was there in seedling form beforehand, but I went to Kenya for eight weeks during my YWAM year.
That just then, mesmerizing. Yeah, I was, I just got the bug. Yeah. And then while I was I think af just after a while oh, maybe it was while I was there, God clearly spoke to me about going into nursing. Cause I was thinking something that I can use when I'm traveling Yeah.
Yeah. To travel. I applied to do nursing and I got in the following year, I worked in an office for two years in Liverpool, which I hated, but I made some great friends. It's like everything I've done, I've been fairly happy because I've just, I love people. So nothing's been really awful.
Yeah. Laterally it has been. But then I just loved [00:28:00] life. I, loved meeting new people. I loved traveling. I loved going on holiday. I loved just, I loved my life.
Matt Edmundson: I think that's true for a lot of people actually, on the whole, life's okay.
Life's pretty good. I think there are some, yeah. It's interesting when we were starting Crowd Church and I was talking to Rich Rising about it. He's a really good friend of mine. Cause originally I thought about calling the church Hopeway, right? What are you going to name the church?
It was, it took us weeks to come up with a name what are we going to call it? So do we call it Hopeway Church? And Rich was really interesting because he said to me, he said, you know what, there are people that need hope. But if you do a church that reaches out just to people that need hope, it's quite a broken church that you've got in a lot of ways.
And actually he was quite right. He said, Matt, I think on you and this was for me, this is not true for everybody, but for me, there's more of a calling to reach out to people who actually think life is okay. Do you know what I mean? There's a lot of people who wouldn't have a Christian faith, who would not purport to be a Christian, [00:29:00] who are fairly successful life's okay.
They're healthy, their marriage is probably okay. They've got some kids are okay. It's not a case of the church is for people that are just wrecked lives. But it's, there is this truth that actually says, even if you're successful, you're still quite broken. You just don't really realize it yet, and I think actually when we come face to face with the gospel, we recognize actually, yeah, we still need a savior, right?
So I think it's true for many of us that actually we go through life and on the whole life is okay. Yeah. And so you were like that. I'm interested. You said until latterly. Yeah. So what's been going on there?
Jan Burch: I dunno whether it's just growing up a bit. Fast forward, 20 odd years.
I've still got My basic thing, I've got my team, my, my family, my mom, I've got, still got my brother, I've been a midwife over 25 years, something like that. I did nursing just for two years. [00:30:00] I loved nursing. I just when I qualified, there were no jobs at the time in the areas I wanted in Liverpool, so I went to Derby.
So I was there for four years. And it was during that time, I decided to do midwifery, so loved my training I was still single and I was living with a friend in Derby part of a church, which was great. My brother was still living there at that point, so I had nieces and nephews to see. Loads of friends, great social life, um, all, around, around church activities at the time.
But we were all the same age, we were all single, so it was just a great laugh. So that, that was all good and then, you know. Now I'd say, yeah, I'm basically a happy woman. I'm very grateful for what I've got, but my [00:31:00] job, my sort of working in the NHS as I have done, it has taken its toll, sorry, just
Matt Edmundson: for those listening outside of the UK, if you don't know, the NHS is our health service, National Health Service. So yeah, it's the system run by the government to deliver health care to the population here.
Jan Burch: I would say the first, I don't know, 15 years weren't too bad, plodded on. Things never used to bother me too much. I could deal with it at work and leave it, go home, but I would say increasingly, as I've got older, I'm finding that harder to lay it down.
So it was starting to filter into my everyday life. My mental health really. Yeah. Then took a toll, took its toll on Yeah. On that.
Matt Edmundson: Yeah. When you say it took a toll on your mental health, because obviously one of the things that we talk about on what's, as I say, obviously, maybe not be obvious, if it's the first time, if it's the first time, welcome to you, we like to ask a number of questions like how you became a Christian, but what are some of the biggest challenges that you faced?[00:32:00]
And I know when we did, the conversation before the call, for you, this was the biggest challenge that you faced in life with sort of the help of God in a lot of ways. Yeah. So what was the toll it took upon your mental
Jan Burch: health? Yeah. Yeah. I think I just had Jamie, my youngest.
So we're talking nearly 15 years ago, it's a long time. It seems a long time ago, but that's when, I was a mom to three. Tim was teaching. I was tired most of the time. And I was doing quite a lot of night shifts. So I could be Yeah. Although my mum was a great help, I wouldn't have got through any of it without her.
So she looked after the children and then obviously school and different things, but I just think I felt very torn. I wanted just to be with the family. There were situations. We gradually, the staffing levels in the areas that I was [00:33:00] working was getting worse over the years. So you'd go on shift.
I'd get quite anxious before I got there. Cause you just don't know what's going to hit you. You may start the shift, you'd get a handover of certain patients or If I was on a delivery suite, whatever, you'd be given a patient and then maybe an hour in, two hours in, you'd be moved somewhere else that was low staffed and mainly if you were in a ward or you'd be moved to the delivery suite or, and that, that is unsettling in itself because you've met your patients, you've planned what you're going to do, hour by hour. And then suddenly you've got to leave it and hand very quick verbal hands over to someone. You go to this other area for maybe the rest of the shift or for a few hours you come back and [00:34:00] something else has happened with those patients you left.
So that went on pretty much week by week for years and years. I remember going on shift one, it's always a Thursday night for me that things would go wrong. And it was a Thursday night and I remember being on nights, so I was anxious having, the kids were in bed, but hated leaving them, went to work and it was just like chaos.
It was like someone had dropped a bomb in the middle of the, it was just like people everywhere. Yeah. Every single room was full. There were women there that should have been transferred to delivery suite because they were developing problems and their labor wasn't progressing.
There were women there who had medical conditions that shouldn't have been there, but labor ward was what we call bed blocked. It was,[00:35:00] every room was full. There were no midwives to look after anyone else. So we had to care. I was on the midwifery led unit. We had to manage women that were really not well and labors that were not going well, um, for as long as we could.
Basically it ended one particular night, that particular night. Whereas I was looking at, I had four women and you should only have had one or two. And they were all, I would say three of them had problems. Wow. So one was severely epileptic. She shouldn't have been there till every suite still couldn't take her.
So I was worried about her. There was another woman who wasn't progressing and that was problematic. And then I had a three o'clock in the morning, I remember the shift leader saying to me, you're going to have to take another patient. And I remember saying, I can't, I just can't, I've got blah, blah, [00:36:00] blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
She went, you've, you'll have to, everyone else is, dealing with this and that, yours are at least quite stable for now, you're going to have to take this patient. I just remember thinking, God help me and to cut a long story short, it was her third baby. I went in, literally introduced myself and said I have got some other patients.
I want to give you the best care. I will be in and out. I'm sorry I can't stay with you right now. Yeah. But if you need anything, or if you feel that your labour is progressing, she was fine at the moment, she was having some contractions, but she wasn't like inactive, it wasn't imminent that she was going to deliver.
It was just a lot of pressure. It was a real pressured night and everyone was in the same boat. I remember going into a, talking to a, Blah, blah, blah, saying, given a gas and air, [00:37:00] and then go in to see the other women. You've got to write everything you do. You've got to document.
So I was making sure my documentation was up to date. Finding out is there a bed on delivery suite? Yeah. For any of them? No. It was just absolute nightmare. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I was with my other patient. The emergency buzzer went in this room and me and a healthcare assistant both ran at the same time, walked in and there was just blood everywhere and, she was like in shock and the husband, the partner was just shaking in the corner and what has happened is she'd gone to the loo.
And then the baby had just come while she was in the bathroom. So we got, managed to get her to the bed. Baby had fallen, she'd caught the baby. It was very traumatic for the woman. And then obviously I was feeling guilty for [00:38:00] not being there and not being able to stay with the woman.
Managed to get her into bed, all cleaned up and did her rob. She was okay. And then I had to get a pediatrician to check the baby that the baby hadn't, I hadn't seen the baby be born. Yeah. So she'd said the baby had fallen and she'd just caught. I didn't know what that meant, yeah, exactly. What had happened, the cord had snapped and that's what the blood was.
The baby needed a head x ray. Thankfully everything came back okay, but that woman was very traumatized I think it was the blood more than anything else. That was awful and then two other things within, I remember going home that after that shift. And just said to Tim, I can't do this anymore.
I'm done. I can't do it. He was like, of course you can. You just need to sleep. You're [00:39:00] tired. I remember going into the next shift and something not as catastrophic, but, similar up there, three things in a very short space of time happened. And one baby died. Wow. Because the doctors, the obstetricians were in theater.
Jan Burch: They weren't able to get to this woman. So I was told just to keep her comfortable for as long as possible. We have, we had to run the trace, tracing, and that wasn't normal, that wasn't right. So junior doctors were coming in and reviewing and saying, I can't help you just give her more pain relief, so that was highly stressful and I remember finally, I looked after this woman from something like seven o'clock, half seven, and it was now one o'clock in the morning and we were just going into theater with her. I remember the [00:40:00] consultant, one of the consultants, we were scrubbing up ready because she was going to set Caesarean section.
And it was a crash section, so she was having a general anaesthetic and I remember washing my hands next to him and he said, we're going to have a cerebral palsy here. And I just remember just feeling sick. The baby was delivered and didn't breathe at all and the baby doctors were working on.
Beautiful full time baby girl. They worked on her and they managed to induce her heartbeat with adrenaline and drugs. And then she was transferred with tubes everywhere to special care next door. And the mum was still asleep. She, had a general. And I was told to do my notes and then go into recovery and get her to the ward, blah, blah, blah.
So where [00:41:00] I was with her when she woke up, and she was the loveliest woman, and she just said, Have I had my baby? And I was like yeah, you've had, yeah. And I was like, Oh God, help me. I, what did I have? 'cause they didn't know. Yeah. I said, oh, you've had a little girl. And she was like, where is she? And I said, oh, she's had to go to special care.
She wasn't very well, she was when she was born and she started crying and was reassuring her. And she was like, where's my partner? And he was with the baby. So when she was stable enough, we transferred her to special care, where she was told, your baby's not going to survive as she's, ill.
And for the first time ever, I cried in front of a patient, I just, there were no words. It's her first baby, [00:42:00] beautiful baby girl. And I just sobbed with her. And I didn't get home till about half 10, 11 the next morning. Cause I wanted to be they held her until she died. And I wanted to be there with them. That was the third, that was the worst, really. I just remember being quite numb. Yeah. And I was an experienced midwife. I'd been a midwife for a good 15 years by then. For the first time, I'd never had depression or I'd been I was an anxious person, but I had it.
That was the start of me going a bit downhill. That was 2011. Wow. So I actually went to see the head of midwifery one day. I just made a, I didn't know what I wanted to say to her. Yeah. I just knew I had to go and say it. Yeah. And I just said, you got to do something here.
Yeah. What I went through [00:43:00] that night, and then that night, and then that night, no one should go through that. Yeah. I wasn't angry, I wasn't shouting, I wasn't crying, I was just flat. Yeah. And I said to her, I feel like I'm on my knees, and I can't get up, and she just said, you're not well.
And I was like, I'm just concerned. Yeah. And she said, you need to go home right now and I want you to go and see your GP and you need time off. And I was like no, I just need to sort this out with you. And she went, please, I hear what you're saying, but you're not in a, in any state to, to be here. I just remember driving home and
Tim I think was at work and the kids were at school and I just remember thinking, what do you mean I'm not well? I'm just a bit stressed and who wouldn't be after those incidents? I'm [00:44:00] okay. And I went to see the GP as she said, and the GP was like, Oh, I think you've got a bit of depression.
And I was like, what are they saying that I'm not? Yeah. I was off for eight months. Wow. I was recommended to, to go for some counseling. And I did. I noticed that during the sessions it was with a woman who was a Christian. She would start talking about work and I would just.
I found myself pushing my hands like that and she said, are you aware that every time I talk about work, you do this, I was like, and I was like, how will I know when I'm ready to go back? And she said you will just know, but it's not now. Yeah, so that was a really difficult time. Yeah.
Matt Edmundson: No kidding. So you were off for eight months then. Obviously, which was, so they were saying something [00:45:00] that you weren't saying and you took the time off. I'm curious in all of that, Jan, how did your, because it's a story that sadly we hear a lot with people who work in the NHS, and without getting political or having any kind of agenda I totally understand it because it is.
The stuff that you guys deal with is horrendous in a lot of ways on a regular basis. And I can see why you would say you felt numb because it's a coping mechanism, isn't it? To deal with those kinds of things. Yeah. Where was God in all of this for you?

Jan Burch: I'm the type of person that will always beat myself up more than anyone else can. Yeah. So I, went through every scenario and blamed myself, why didn't I insist on a doctor coming earlier? Why didn't I physically go into theatre and pull the consultant out?
Yeah. Why didn't I shout more? Yeah. But that isn't who I am. And it wasn't, wouldn't have been right to do some of those things. What did you just ask me? . [00:46:00] My mind's just gone blank. And where was God in all of this? Yeah. He was just very gentle. .
He didn't ask anything of me. It was just, you need to sleep, you need to rest. I think he taught me just about letting it go. And it was a feeling of, I don't fully understand what was all that, what was, what caused all of that and my reaction to it. But I just know I've got to be gentle with myself., I would say that in it all, I didn't ever lose hope. I didn't lose faith at all.
We know that these things can happen. Yeah. But I would say God was quite close, but I think I became quite silent. It was all in my head. And I would mull it over and over. Sometimes I couldn't even talk to Tim about how I was really feeling. It was too deep.
There's that book, God on [00:47:00] Mute. Yeah. I was like Jan on Mute. I just went quiet and I think it took me , many years to come out of that. I can talk the talk when I need to, can be quite outgoing, but there's something in that experience that if it damaged me or it changed me and I would still be able to be the same mum with the kids and probably Tim saw the real me, but I think as nurses, as midwives, as teachers, we're great actors, so you know how to put the front on. Yeah. And I think I probably became very good at doing that. So people would always say, Jan's dead chilled, she's laid back, but underneath I was really hurting and a bit confused. And
Matt Edmundson: were you aware, when you were quiet, that actually underneath the mask you were [00:48:00] hurting, you knew you were putting a mask on?
Because sometimes people do masks to the public, but they're actually deceiving themselves,
Jan Burch: more than anything. I didn't know, yeah. Yeah. Therapy is great, but it wasn't comfortable for me. I didn't enjoy. Because of my job, I'm usually the one asking the questions and are you okay?
It wasn't easy for me to go into therapy or, don't think I was very good. It wasn't easy for her to have me.
Matt Edmundson: So if you could, you've obviously you've come through it. There's some scarring by the sounds of things as there inevitably is with these things.
If you could go back to a certain point in time and have a conversation with Silent Jan or, when this was all starting to kick off. , what would you have said to yourself?
Jan Burch: It's not your fault. This is a much bigger issue than you think it is. Yeah. It knocked my [00:49:00] confidence. Yeah. For a long time. I don't think it's ever been the same. I've doubted myself, many times. But I just think, actually, when when you look at it from an aerial point of view, it was destined to happen, and it, sadly, it's going on all over the country every day, those things and, with A& E and doctors are on their knees, nurses are on their knees.
I'll protect the NHS. I love it. I don't regret my career. I don't, I've met the most amazing people. I've laughed so hard. I've cried so hard. It's been fab. It's been right for me to do what I've done.
But it's getting harder out there. Yeah. It's not easy.
Matt Edmundson: No. And amazing. The NHS absolutely amazing. Yeah. You're still in the NHS, you're now a community [00:50:00] midwife. Yeah. So you get to hang out in your car a little bit and listen to music. Is that right? And
Jan Burch: that's great because I listen to podcasts like this.
Listen
Matt Edmundson: to the What's The Story? You were telling me about the Rob Brown one earlier. Yeah. In all of this, Jan, because one, I'm aware of time. Two, I'm aware that people listening to your story will be going. I am going through something similar, um, because so many people do. What's the one thing that God's taught you in all of this?
What's your one message?
Jan Burch: I think I've learned it's okay to be really low. It's actually really good to ask for help. But it's like this old smiling, old dancing, old. Perfect Christian life, it's a load of nonsense, it's you've got to be real, be honest, and God is still God, nothing changes in that respect.
He has never left me. I've been silent to him. He has always been [00:51:00] there. Yeah. And I know that. Yeah. The verse that, that has always been really important to me is the night is nearly over. And the day is almost here. Yeah. And that I would say I've never lost hope. Even in the NHS even in the worst days now, and there've been quite a few the last few years of a different kind, but where I've just thought, I'm out of here. Yeah. But where do I go? What do I do? Yeah, God is God and He's good.
Matt Edmundson: Yeah, that's super powerful. And there's a story that, it's listening to you talk about the sense of call on your life, this is where God wants you to be.
But in that calling comes the darkest of days. And I think that confuses people sometimes. It's God, you have called me to this. Why is it so hard? And I think sometimes we have to go, God has called me to this because it is so hard. And he needs someone who's a [00:52:00] light in this area. I think it's really powerful, your story, Jan, and thank you for being a midwife.
You actually, you were a midwife to Sharon, weren't you?
Jan Burch: Yeah with Zak. Yeah.
Matt Edmundson: Yeah. That's
Jan Burch: What was it, Josh? I don't know. Yeah, one of
Matt Edmundson: the boys. Yeah, you're definitely involved somewhere. I remember coming down and going, Oh, hello.
Jan Burch: I remember not delivering food, because we bring food when you have a baby.
Yeah. And I was on the rotor. I remember Sharon phoning me or you phoning me. One on the night when it was me saying, Oh, thanks for that food. That was so yummy. We're so full and I went, and I went and got a takeaway for
Matt Edmundson: you
Jan Burch: to give my thanks. I just remember it was something very sarcastic. Yeah
Matt Edmundson: it's just how we communicate, isn't it?
But I remember the takeaway because, and God love it, and the way it works in church and out. In the church, where we were, [00:53:00] when you had a baby for a week or two, people from your community bought you meals and it was this amazing blessing. But what tended to happen was certainly by the time you'd had three kids, the meals were all kind of spaghetti bolognese or chili because mincemeat was cheap and also they're easy to prepare, right?
And also, everybody likes spaghetti bolognese. Yeah, I can't. Yeah that's maybe something you should pray through. And so when you came around with the takeaway, we were like, thank you, Jesus.
Jan Burch: I won't forget.
Matt Edmundson: It's just really funny. And I think we learned from that, actually, because we were like, this is really interesting.
So when we do Meals for the People. When they had babies, we were all like, let's do the takeaways, let's do some chicken thing. Let's just do something that's a bit, a bit more mixed up, but thank you to everyone that did bring us a meal. Not to complain in any way, it was all wonderful. Jan, listen, thank you so much for coming on.
Oh, thank you. Sharing your story. Oh, no, it's been great. Really enjoyed it. And you can find more about Jan on you're going to be on crowd again, aren't you? Yeah. [00:54:00] Yeah. Can't get away. I hope so. Yeah. And if you want to, if you want to get a hold of Jan, if you've got any questions for her, reach hold of Jan through the What's The Story website.
And I'm sure, I'm just filling the contact form, Jan will get it. It's not a problem or contact her via the WhatsApp and we'll make sure you get it. So you're a legend. Love the bones off you, lady. You're awesome. Thank you.
Sadaf Beynon: And just like that, we've reached the end of another fascinating conversation. Crowd Church is a digital church, a community, a space to explore the Christian faith, and a place where you can contribute and grow. To find out more, check out www. crowd. church. And don't forget to subscribe to What's The Story on your favorite podcast app.
We've got a whole lot of inspiring stories coming your way, and we really don't want you to miss any of them. What's the Story is the production of Crowd Church. Our fantastic team is made up of Anna Kettle, Matt Edmundson, Tanya Hutsuliak, and myself, Sadaf Beynon. We work behind the scenes to bring these stories to life.
Our theme song is the [00:55:00] creative work of Josh Edmundson. If you're interested in the transcript or show notes, head over to our website whatsastorypodcast. com and sign up for our weekly newsletters to get all this goodness delivered straight to your inbox. So that's all from us this week. Thank you so much for joining us and we'll catch you in the next episode.
Bye for now.