Surviving a Violent Childhood

What's the Story
Written By Matt Edmundson
 

Guest: John P. Boyle

John Boyle, hailing from a family of coal miners, grew up in the small Appalachian town of Kingwood, West Virginia. A proud graduate of The Kiski School, WVU School of Engineering, and Harvard Business School, John has done it all—from leading his family business to founding four successful companies. Now living in Charleston, SC, he loves traveling, helping people, and spending time with his wife and two sons.

Here’s a summary of this week’s story:

Key Takeaways:

  1. Resilience and Perseverance Amid Adversity: John Boyle's journey is a testament to the power of resilience. Despite growing up in a violent home, battling PTSD and alcoholism, he managed to turn his life around. His story highlights that no matter how dire the circumstances, it is possible to overcome significant challenges with perseverance and determination.

  2. The Transformative Power of Faith: John’s faith played a crucial role in his recovery and personal growth. His return to church and relationship with God provided him with the strength and peace he needed to quit alcohol and manage his PTSD. His story underscores the profound impact that spirituality and faith can have in helping individuals find hope and redemption.

  3. The Importance of Seeking Help and Support: John’s recovery journey emphasises the importance of seeking help and support. Whether it was his wife urging him to get professional help, his friend inviting him to church, or his siblings assisting him in finding a rehab facility, John’s story illustrates that reaching out and accepting support from others is vital in the path to healing and overcoming personal struggles.

Links & Resources from today’s story

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  • Matt Edmundson: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome to What's The Story. We're an inquisitive bunch of hosts from the What's The Story team on a mission to uncover stories about faith and courage from everyday people. And to help us do just that, we get the privilege to chat with amazing guests And delve into their faith journey, the hurdles they've overcome and the life lessons they have learned along the way.

    Now, if you enjoy our podcast, don't forget to subscribe and sign up for our newsletter on our website, which is what's the story podcast.com. It's your direct line too. The latest episodes and detailed show notes, and they all get delivered straight to your inbox. And the best part, it's absolutely free.

    What's the Story? is brought to you by Crowd Church. We understand that stepping into a traditional church might not be everybody's cup of tea, and that's where Crowd Church steps in, [00:01:00] providing a digital sanctuary, a safe space to explore the Christian faith where you can engage in meaningful conversations rather than just simply spectating.

    So whether you are new to the Christian faith or are in search of a new church family, we invite you to visit us at www. crowd. church and if you've got any questions, just drop us an email at hello at crowd. church. We're here to help and would genuinely love to connect with you. And now, without further ado, let's get Let's meet your host and our very special guest for today.

    Sadaf Beynon: Hey, everyone. Welcome to another episode of What's The Story Podcast. I'm your host Sadaf Beynon, and today we have another great guest with us, John Boyle. John will be sharing his journey of overcoming a traumatic childhood, battling PTSD and alcoholism, and finding hope and redemption [00:02:00] through faith in God.

    John, it's so great to have you here today. How are you?

    John Boyle: I'm doing great. Thank you so much for having me. It's an honor to be on your show.

    Sadaf Beynon: Thank you, John. The pleasure is ours. John, tell us where you're dialing in from.

    John Boyle: Sure. I am dialing in from Charleston, South Carolina. I live here with my wife and two sons.

    Sadaf Beynon: Awesome. And what's the weather doing today for you?

    John Boyle: It is beautiful, blue sky, and South Carolina is very sunny in the summer, so beautiful weather.

    Sadaf Beynon: That's nice. We're here in Liverpool, in the UK, and we don't always get nice sunny weather, but we're having some sunny days, which is really nice.

    John Boyle: I understand. I've been to England, not to Liverpool, but I understand the weather. Yes.

    Sadaf Beynon: Yes. All right. John, let's jump into it. Can you start by telling us a bit about yourself and your early life?

    John Boyle: Absolutely. So I grew up in a state called [00:03:00] West Virginia. It's the mountain state. And for those of your listeners with the United States, it is a very poor state.

    I grew up in a small town, a mining community, which there's a decent amount of coal mining in England. So I'm sure your listeners can relate to that. But I grew up in a small mining community and I grew up in a violent home. I grew up Catholic, Irish Catholic. And I had a lot of difficulty as a child.

    I didn't know that I was growing up in a violent home. I was just growing up. I was a kid and my circumstances really started to affect me by middle grade school. So third or fourth grade, I was probably eight or nine years old and I just started struggling and I would I would go to school and basically the war per se was still going on in my head and I couldn't focus.

    And I was labeled in school to be lazy. [00:04:00] I was labeled as a daydreamer by sixth grade. One of my teachers told my parents that I would never go to college. I certainly would never graduate college. And so I really did not have a hopeful outlook as a child. I really struggled. And at 15, I had the opportunity to go to a boarding school.

    In a neighboring state, Pennsylvania, and there I really began to figure out the components that I needed in my personal life to be able to succeed and thrive. But really all along when you if you would have pulled back the curtain, you would have seen a teenager with an awful lot of difficulty.

    What I was exhibiting was symptoms of PTSD. I started having insomnia in high school. I started having flashbacks [00:05:00] in high school. I started to have a broken fight or flight response. So these things, I didn't know what they were. And mental health was less, far less commonly discussed in the 1990s.

    And so I buried it and I found by college that alcohol helped me mask my symptoms. It painted over rust. And really, it helped me function in my daily affairs, but by the time I got home and, got to my room, I was dealing with a bunch of things that I just didn't know what it was, and in any way, it really wasn't diagnosed until I was in my mid thirties.

    Sadaf Beynon: How did your early experience of living with violence shape your initial perception of God?

    John Boyle: It wasn't favorable. It wasn't. I grew up Catholic. My family, we went to [00:06:00] church on Sunday. And as I got older, my focus on religion Really was going through the motions on Sunday and checking a box.

    I wasn't praying during the week. I wasn't asking God for help. I really did not see, I did not equate God as being separate from the circumstances that I was in as a child. And so I looked somewhat negatively on religion and Catholicism in part because what I was experiencing at home. And by the time I was living on my own in college, I went to church less and less.

    And by the time I graduated, I really didn't practice at all.

    Sadaf Beynon: And was that your experience or was were your siblings in the same boat?

    John Boyle: It was my experience. It was my experience. I don't know I don't know what my siblings experienced to be quite honest with you. It was far worse for me than it was for them. [00:07:00] And just was trying to. Put a congruent life together any way I could. And so I found that by stripping all of the variables out of my life and just living a very basic, boring life and trying to get from A to B was my focus.

    And I really didn't look at what was going on outside my little bubble.

    Sadaf Beynon: If you don't mind, would you be happy to tell us a bit more of what that violence was and what it was like and why it was happening to you?

    John Boyle: I still don't know why. I honestly don't know why and I have my theories but they're unfounded in that I have no validation that was true. And I really can't speak to that, but, what it was like as a child, it was physical violence.

    It was physical violence. I incurred physical violence on a regular basis. And it was from my mother. I'm very often wrong in my account, in my [00:08:00] book, which we'll get to. And it just speaks to what it was like to experience this as a child. You're not in control and a child does not have a choice of where they grow up in many instances.

    And really as a child, you're forced to make sense of things that shouldn't make sense. And so when you have a child, a young person who has a developing brain violence, neglect, sexual abuse, they all really have the same effect. And it warps your perception of reality because your brain has to make sense of something it shouldn't.

    And so it rewires your neuro pathways, your sensory pathways, and your brain finds ways to adapt to your circumstances. And that, that is my difficulty today is my brain really is wired incorrectly from the home I grew up in. And so it was very difficult. I was defending myself, [00:09:00] By nine or ten years old it was hard for me because, I was battling an adult.

    I tried to run away. I tried to ask for help and any action that I took was to no avail and it made the situation worse. And so I had to find a way to live with it. And it was especially difficult when my father was traveling for work and I was at home with that parent, my, my mother, who just for whatever reason treated me as she did, and it had a very lasting effect on me.

    Sadaf Beynon: Sorry to hear that. So you've touched on it a little bit, but how did that violence affect you as you got older?

    John Boyle: It affected me in every way you could think of. When you talk to someone who has PTSD, it's a disorder of reactions. And so all of my sensory all of my, my, my sensory my body sensory organs [00:10:00] my eyes my ears, my touch, my smell.

    When I smell something that reminds me of childhood, it immediately causes a flashback, not in all cases, but many cases, right? And so it, it affects every day of my life. If I see a vision of violence, If I hear a certain bang or a baby screaming if I hear a song that takes me back to my childhood in the 1980s.

    It causes me grief. I'll tell you this. I still flinch to this day. I'm 47 years old. I was removed from my home at 15 and at 47, if my wife or my sons come up behind me and I can't hear them and they touch me, if my wife comes behind me to give me a kiss on my head, I flinch like I'm going to get hit.

    There's this component that happens with with people who have PTSD, especially children who grew up with it. And it causes a complex version of it. And your primitive [00:11:00] brain reacts to these. Sensory receptors and it causes a reaction before your your cortex, which houses your identity and your ability to think and reason the primitive brain acts fight or flight response, like reactions before your cortex can reason that it's a poor response or not a valid response.

    So I've lived a life of difficulty and I'm not here to complain at all. It's just been my path.

    Sadaf Beynon: When did you realize you were dealing with PTSD?

    John Boyle: I didn't, I was married in my late twenties, my wife began to realize that there was something going on that had never been pinpointed with me, and she started the effect of armoring, which is chronic muscle tightness.

    She began to see the flashbacks I was having, the nightmares, the [00:12:00] insomnia she began to, speak up that I needed to figure out and go and get help as to what was going on. And so I spent about 10 years going to doctors, psychologists, Therapists and really trying to get help. And my experience was that I was misdiagnosed and really what was going on there was more of a disguise presentation than anything.

    It really, it fell back on me when I was going into to see the doctor, I would say I'm having problems sleeping. Or I'm feeling this way or that way. And so I was diagnosed with insomnia or depression or anxiety, and I was given medications for those, but really all it did was dampen. What was happening?

    It made me lethargic. It didn't help. And so ultimately when I [00:13:00] found out that I had PTSD I had began the process of going to a treatment center and getting help to stop drinking alcohol at 37. And I was not diagnosed until I went to that facility.

    Sadaf Beynon: You've mentioned alcohol.

    So I'm guessing that was your coping mechanism.

    John Boyle: It was a

    Sadaf Beynon: bit about that. How you got into it.

    John Boyle: Absolutely. I went to West Virginia University in undergrad and it's a it's a very big party school in the United States. And what I found was when I joined my fellow classmates and went out and.

    Alcohol I really, I didn't have these symptoms. I didn't have the dysphoric feelings. I wasn't triggered with flashbacks and it really, it painted over rust in a temporary manner. And what it added was this element of euphoria, which I didn't feel that I really [00:14:00] have never naturally had where I it's uncommon for me to smile and I'm getting better at it, but it's not natural for me.

    And when I was in college, when I was a young person, I had all this difficulty going on in my head. And I was really, I was just trying to survive and get through college and get decent grades and get a degree and go out and get a job. Remember, I was the kid who. I was told over and over, I would never make it to college.

    So I was at a place where I was trying to succeed. And I found very early on in college, like my first week that when I drank alcohol, it masked my symptoms. And so I used it on a regular basis. And by the time I was in my late twenties really I was drinking alcohol every day. And I was a highly functioning alcoholic and I didn't know that.

    And I really didn't know that I became dependent upon it until I went to quit in my mid [00:15:00] thirties and I couldn't.

    Sadaf Beynon: What would you say have been some of the effects then of the alcoholism?

    John Boyle: Wow there were many. I spent I spent a decade Really functioning at work and being an executive. I was by the time I was 29, I was the president and CEO, CEO of a family business, and it grew to be rather large. And so I had a lot on my plate. And in addition to that, I had invested in other businesses with friends.

    And so I was constantly working. I was ambitious. I didn't want to be beholden to anyone. I believe that my background really drove me to be I was really driven to be someone in life, right? Because I'd been told over and over, I wouldn't be. And really I was so driven that I was exhausted by the time I got home.[00:16:00]

    And for me to be an executive and function at a high level. I had to really ignore my body. I had to ignore what my body was telling me at work. Hey, you need a break. Hey, there's these things going on back here. Don't keep shoving them under the bed and pushing them until tomorrow. My coping mechanism when I got home was to pour several vodka and sodas and try to put myself in a place where I could pass out at the end of the night.

    And I was never late for work, but it took a toll on my body. I stopped exercising. I gained weight. Really I wasn't myself. I was very irritable. And it impacted my ability to parent my son. I was divorced in my early thirties and. From probably 31 until 37.

    When I got clean, my oldest son was really the only person in my life and I have good days and I had bad days but alcohol didn't help things at home. I wasn't [00:17:00] abusive per se. I wasn't sleeping through the day and dysfunctional, but I really wasn't the best version of myself either. And I certainly won't lie.

    I will tell you right now that I wasn't, I certainly wasn't the father that my son needed me to be. And I began to recognize that as he got older, I began to recognize it as my body started to take a toll from the amount of alcohol I was drinking. And really ultimately. What drove me to want to quit was my liver started shutting down at 37.

    Sadaf Beynon: Was there anything else that that was a turning point for you? I know with your liver shutting down, pretty big. Was there any other parts of life that made you realize that you needed to find help?

    John Boyle: There were indicators that I was ignoring. I had people around me who were somewhat concerned, but I'll be honest, I was very high functioning and it [00:18:00] was very hard for my friends to see the real me.

    Really my son was the only one who was seeing it. And when I was married, my wife obviously was. And so those indicators there, they weren't many. And when you looked at my resume and the success that I was having, worldly success, it masked my pain on the back end. And so the biggest driver of my dysfunction was the fact that my body kept the score and it started telling me in my mid thirties that I, we can't bear this anymore.

    We can't keep doing that. And my skin turned very white. I didn't know what was wrong. I was malnourished. My doctor told me that I was malnourished and my liver was not processing vitamins. And if I continued to drink, my liver would continue to only process the alcohol, not the vitamins, and I would end up in the grave. And that was, it was [00:19:00] very sobering. But what I found at that juncture, was that I could not quit on my own. I started to try to quit on my own. And couldn't make it to seven o'clock at night. That's the degree that it impacted my personal life.

    Sadaf Beynon: So where did you go from there, then once you realized you needed the help?

    John Boyle: I went to a bar and here's the best part about it. I went to a bar with a friend and he could see I wasn't doing well and I didn't really tell him. I wasn't openly transparent about what was going on. I just was in a bad mood and introverted and trying to figure out a solution and really trying to figure out whether I wanted to be here or not.

    And, any, anybody that's gotten clean will tell [00:20:00] you you have to want to get clean for yourself, but I will tell you with my childhood and just during my life, I didn't see the value in me. I saw the value in being there for my son. And really that was the only reason I had to fight.

    And so I was in a bar and I was drinking a lot and I was talking to my friend and he looked at me after I told him some stuff that was going on. And he said, would you like to go to church with me? And I was shocked, right? Because I had been asked by many people to go to church leading up maybe in the year leading up to him asking me, but I didn't see the value in that, right?

    When I was a child growing up, church didn't change my circumstances and it didn't help me. And I just didn't see that as a solution. I thought I was blemished. I thought I wasn't meant to be one of those people truly. And I convinced myself of that. [00:21:00] So when my friend asked me to church, it was from an area and in a place that I wasn't expecting.

    And I immediately just had this feeling come over me, like it was a lifeline and I didn't question it. I didn't say let's talk tomorrow. I asked him what time and I went the next day and peace came over me. And I loved what the pastor was saying. It was a non denominational church and it was what I needed.

    And so when I left there I just felt that I wanted to go back the next Sunday. And so I started doing that and then I found my drinking life really to be in conflict with what God wanted for my life. And in that bar that night, I just kept thinking, wow, God loves me so much. He's infiltrating my drinking buddies to get to me and that's the truth.

    And I write that in my book. It [00:22:00] was. It was what I needed, and if I'd have said no, I know I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be talking to you, I wouldn't.

    Sadaf Beynon: Share with us the moment when you decided to ask God to help you with your addiction.

    John Boyle: Sure, I'd be glad to. Weeks went by from when my friend asked me to go to church, and my health declined.

    I was trying to quit drinking every night, and I had varied success, and when I say varied success, I might've made it to 8 30 PM. I'm being sincere in that I drank 10 days or 10 years every day successively. And so when I went to quit, my body didn't want any part of that. And I knew that I wasn't going to be able to do it on my own.

    And so a couple of my siblings started to help me. I confided in them and they started to help me [00:23:00] find a facility that I could go to get clean. And there were a lot of worries around that because I ran a company that had 600 employees and I was worried about the impact that it would have and the impact it would have on my career and how I would look.

    And so I had all these worries, right? And I'd heard the expression, give it to God, give it to God. That was not a practice that I'd done in my life. And so when I made the decision to go away and get help and I picked a date the night before I left, I prayed and I said, God I'm done with this. I do not want to drink.

    Please help me. And I'm sure I said a couple of other things in that prayer, but that was the essence of it. And the next day wasn't easy. I went to all my coworkers, why I was leaving. I guess I didn't have to, but I [00:24:00] did. And when I went away I really had a hard first day, but when I woke up the following day, I did.

    I never had an urge to drink again. Sincerely. I stayed in, in rehab for 30 days. I went through the process and worked the process and got help, but I never wanted to drink again and I haven't. And that was 10 years ago. Yeah. It was so bad that I chose to leave four days before my oldest son's eighth birthday, I missed his birthday to get clean

    and I get choked up when I say this, but I'm gonna go watch him graduate college this week. Or not college, I'm sorry, high school. I'm gonna go watch him graduate high school. It was worth every bit of the struggle to get there.

    Absolutely. Yeah.

    John Boyle: Absolutely.

    Sadaf Beynon: How did your faith help you overcome those [00:25:00] urges and to maintain the sobriety over all these years?

    John Boyle: God helped me overcome those urges. I cannot take credit for that and I write that in my book as well. He took that away. Really faith in God kept me clean. I began to have a faith life that I wanted to pursue God and learn all about it.

    And so when I was in rehab, I tried to pick up the Bible and I was on a tranquilizer to rid me of the effects of detox. So I couldn't read, but I could listen. And I started listening to sermons online. And when I got to a point where I could start reading the Bible, I just started reading it every day and I pursued God, how I knew to do it.

    And it wasn't perfect, but I began to start to put the pieces together of [00:26:00] having a faith life. And it's grown and it's grown and it's grown. So it started with going to church on Sunday. Then that led to wanting to read the Bible in the morning or the evening. It led to me wanting to listen to sermons, whether I was in rehab or back at home after I'd gotten clean and that led to wanting to be in small groups and be involved in church and being involved in Christian business groups and it just cascaded one off another. And I just began to live a more faith filled life. And replace the components that weren't great in my life of drinking and doing things I shouldn't be doing to having a more balanced and congruent life.

    And it worked, it helped me greatly.

    Sadaf Beynon: Incredible. What were some of those, or what are some of the challenges you've faced since?

    John Boyle: The biggest challenge I've faced is PTSD and knowing what I have, I said [00:27:00] this earlier I didn't know I had this disorder until I was 37 right and so the first challenge I had was I had to learn everything I could about it and I had to differentiate between PTSD post traumatic stress disorder. Is largely seen as a disorder, a mental disorder that soldiers that inflicts soldiers in battle. And so I didn't know that it could affect the child who grew up in abusive home. And how that, that those circumstances made it complex and that it's not going away. You have to learn to live with it.

    You have to learn to overcome it. And my, my biggest fight in getting sober was taking on my symptoms head on and not having that release or that numbness to just get a break. And so really what I learned to do was to be open about my disorder. I learned to confide in people and tell them what's [00:28:00] going on and why my life is difficult and why I drank and.

    I had to go and get help. Not only did I have to learn about what I had, but I had to go and get the pieces I needed to really know how to cope and function in a functional manner, know how to function with daily life, how to, have a hard day at work and come home and deal with PTSD and not want to crawl in a bottle.

    And that took some time. And eventually what I found was. That working in a family business was very triggering for me, especially after I quit drinking alcohol. So I had to leave. And essentially what I'm telling you is I had to change my life in a way that I could and live it in a way that God intended me to, in a way that I could take care of the flock that God gave me, which was

    my children and my second wife.

    Sadaf Beynon: Listening to you, it's [00:29:00] incredible how that violence in your home when you were so young, , how it's just followed you through up until now is just still there in some sense, isn't it? The effects of it.

    So thinking about your early life where, you know, where you've experienced the abuse and the violence and to where you're at now with the Lord, walking faithfully with the Lord and there's been so much healing in many ways.

    Do you have a relationship with your mom? Have you ever gone back to that, revisited what's happened with her?

    John Boyle: So I do not have one. And to be honest with you, I haven't had one since I was a young boy. That, that's not something that that I've been able to do. And I've struggled with forgiveness

    I used to think that forgiveness was something you did one time and through a lot of help and [00:30:00] conversations with pastors, what I've learned is forgiveness is a choice and it's actually a postscript to my book. Really, I've struggled with it up until recently and I forgive my mom. I don't hold any grudge against her.

    I have no ill will. What happened and everybody struggles. There's, I'm sure a reason. I don't know what that reason is. I forgive her and this book and my journey, it's not necessarily about her. It's about the goodness of God and what God's been able to do in my life and what I've been able to overcome with the Lord's help and guidance.

    Sadaf Beynon: Yeah, I love that. It is about the Lord, isn't it? It's not about us and the things we go through. It's about how he helps us overcome that.

    John Boyle: It is, and I can tell you right now that you wouldn't believe what's happened in my life in the last ten years. I shared with you that I was someone who my teachers told me I would never go to college.

    I [00:31:00] graduated from Harvard Business School in 2017, right? Just a couple of years after becoming sober. I'm the president of a very large roadway and bridge company and based in Charlotte, North Carolina, and they run on Christian values and it's just, it's been a blessing. I've spoken to the White House, I've been.

    Invited to, to be a part of boards of directors all over the United States. And it's just been a wonderful journey that I would not have guessed I ever would have had. And had I not have asked the Lord for help, I wouldn't be here. And it's crazy. It's crazy to think about that, that it just, that one moment and all these things came to pass.

    Sadaf Beynon: That is incredible. How the Lord has this way of redeeming doesn't he?.

    John Boyle: Yes.

    Sadaf Beynon: Incredible. And you're very accomplished despite all of those experiences that you've had, which is again, glory to God.

    John Boyle: Amen.

    Sadaf Beynon: Just going back to your PTSD, you were talking [00:32:00] about how you're not, you haven't drunk since you made that decision that you were not going to go back to that. But, and, but you still are obviously experiencing the PTSD. So how are you managing those symptoms?

    John Boyle: You have to accept them as they come.

    I have good days and I have bad days, right? And when I have a bad day, I can't load my plate up and expect to be an A player and just, work from dusk to dawn. I've seen therapists for sure. I've done a medical treatment called EMDR, which is essentially light therapy.

    I've spent a lot of time learning about my disorder. I've written a book about my disorder. I've done everything I know how to do to put myself in a place where I can be better, where I can be healthy, where I can succeed. And really the biggest thing that I've done is take myself out of the circumstances that remind me of [00:33:00] where I used to be.

    I've moved from where I used to live. I don't work where I used to work. And I spend my time in the evenings doing things much more productively than drinking. I read books, I watch documentaries, I write, I try to help others. And that, that is a big thing that has helped me is plowing into other people and helping other people has really helped me because it makes me feel.

    That my life has value, that my story has value when I help other people, especially those struggling and have the same disorder as myself, especially children going into a high school and, volunteering my time and talking to teenagers who are living violence every day in their own homes.

    That is something that has helped me forget about me. It's not about me anymore. It's more about how I can help other people. And that's why I go on shows like yours. Many people that have the [00:34:00] experience that I have, they don't know what they're dealing with. They don't know that they may have PTSD.

    They may just be drinking every day and just trying to forget and bury it and suppress it and say, Not today. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. But when people hear my story it makes them think differently. And I've heard so many people Sadaf, that, that have said to me, Wow I think I have what you have.

    Thank you for telling your story. It's given me the mental fortitude to want to fight it myself. And that's so encouraging because when I wrote the book, I really didn't know that anybody would read it. I had no clue.

    Sadaf Beynon: Tell us you've referenced your book a couple times now, so tell us about it. Tell us what it's called. Tell us what drove you to write it.

    John Boyle: Sure. My book is called Appalachian Kid. It's a memoir and it speaks to the goodness of God. It's an honest and [00:35:00] raw account of my life. My childhood, my adulthood, and I write about, what it's like to grow up in a violent home, what it's like to live with PTSD as an adult I'm real and honest about my struggles and my entire story, showcases life in Appalachia, which I guess is a buzzword here in the United States.

    It's it's something that people that live outside of the Appalachian mountain range. want to learn about in. And I've gotten a lot of feedback just about that part. For some reason, I have a lot of fans in Texas. They must like the, like my story or the fact that it's about Appalachia, but, it's a wonderful story and I'll say this it's bookended.

    by stories of me volunteering in my local hometown high school in a as a part of a one day charity called building hope. And it's a program that talks to kids [00:36:00] about replacing bullying with empathy for each other. And it, it replaces hate with understanding. And it's a, it's. It was founded by my friend Mark Urso and I participated in that several years ago and the story was so strong that I wrapped it into my book and told my life story in the midst of me trying to help these kids deal with life as they were experiencing it.

    And it's a wonderful story. It'll take you up and down. It's funny. It'll make you cry. And I've gotten a lot of good feedback about it.

    Sadaf Beynon: That sounds really good. Yeah. Was there healing in, in writing it?

    John Boyle: There was. It was difficult to write. I would say that the difficulty was surpassed by me being scared being honest and open about having a mental disorder and being an executive in the construction industry.

    I thought during the process of writing the book that it would conflict with [00:37:00] my career and it would negatively impact my ability to. To do what I've done my whole life, and that is being executive of a construction company. And it didn't, it actually helped me, but I didn't know when I was writing it.

    And so I was very scared that by telling my story, that there would be negative ramifications that I didn't know.

    Sadaf Beynon: You talk about hope how do you define hope for yourself and others?

    John Boyle: It's interesting. I write about it. I write about it. It's in chapter 11 and I would encourage you if you don't read the whole book, just read chapter 11. And in hope when you talk about hope, if you would look it up in a dictionary, would see a lot of words, but essentially what you would.

    You would see is that hope is wishful thinking. And that really is how the world sees it. It's wishful thinking, right? But there's another definition of hope and it can be found in the [00:38:00] Bible and hope to a believer is the confident expectation that God's promises will come to pass.

    And that you can trust him and that he delivers and hope to a believer is really faith turned forward to the future.

    And that's what it means to me. My story it's a story of hope, right? There was no chance I was going to be who I am today.

    Sadaf Beynon: You also spoke briefly about forgiveness and the role that it's played in re in, your relationship with your parents. How do you communicate that, the essence of forgiveness when you're talking to kids, in your local high school .

    How do you convey that message?

    John Boyle: I have to be honest with you. It's not [00:39:00] come up with the young people that I've talked to and I wonder why. I'm not sure I could have heard a message of forgiveness at 15 and understood what it meant for me, for my life. I'm not sure that I could have heard it at 20 or 25. I have had the forgiveness discussion with adults.

    And those who have had traumatic childhood and are living with trauma on a daily basis. And what I found is many people see forgiveness as I did, and it was an approach of no way I'm not doing that. No, I'm not forgiving that person. What they did was unforgivable. And really what that does is it breeds hate in your heart.

    It makes you callous. You're closed off from receiving certain blessings if you take that approach. And so what I found here, and this has only been recently now, I'm [00:40:00] 47 and I wouldn't say I've mastered the art of forgiveness until maybe 45, 44 years old. So it's taken a long time and many of the adults that I've talked to that have struggled with it, some of them are much older than me and really struggle with it.

    And what I've shared with them is forgiveness is not for the other person. Forgiveness is for you. You don't have to bear that burden. You don't have to carry that hate. What that person did was not right, and God's the judge, and God will handle that. You don't have to. Go live your life. Forgiveness means being able to live your life and do so freely, without the burdens of yesterday.

    And I've found that, to be honest, that when those feelings arise, when I have hard days and I'm triggered, and it takes me right back to where I was at 14 or 15 or 12 or 9 years [00:41:00] old, when those days happen. Forgiveness is a choice and I choose peace over hate, I, I choose to live my life free of that burden and those thoughts and those memories.

    And yes, it happened. Yes, I acknowledge it. Yes, I've written a book about it and no, it's not going to be what's going to drive me and rule my world today.

    Sadaf Beynon: Absolutely. It doesn't define who you are.

    John Boyle: That's right.

    Sadaf Beynon: John, we ask all our guests this question., you might have already touched on it, so reiterate it if you need to, but

    what is your one message?

    John Boyle: I think my one message is one that would speak to your listeners that are struggling, right? And whatever that struggle is, it is. In boxing, you don't lose if you get knocked down you lose if you stay down. And so my message is you have to get up and fight.

    You you have to move forward, [00:42:00] get help, and fight with everything you have. You don't have to do the work. You can give it to God and walk beside him. And I promise you, if you call on his name, he will answer. And that's important because someone who has the same background as me in any way, shape, or form, or maybe they're having a tough time as an adult.

    You don't think that. You don't automatically think many of us don't just go to God. They say I'm going to do this on my own and I'm going to deal with my circumstances as they come. And so seeking help ends fighting. And if you're fighting, keep fighting. That's your way out.

    Sadaf Beynon: Absolutely. You're right. And your stories is a testament to what you've said as well. It's, it's of hope, it's of faith and the power of God's love and his forgiveness. Yeah, absolutely.

    Is there [00:43:00] anything else that you would like to share with our listeners that I haven't already covered in our conversation?

    John Boyle: Yes. So my book, Appalachian Kid, can be purchased on amazon.

    com. I have a website that your listeners could read some about me in a synopsis of the book and some endorsements that I have. That is at appalachiankid.com and social media. I'm on LinkedIn, John P Boyle. That's where you can find you want to know more about me.

    Sadaf Beynon: Awesome.

    Thank you, John. We will be sure to add all links to our show notes for you, John. Thank you so much. for having me. No, you're welcome. for sharing your incredible story with us today. Your journey is really, truly inspiring, and I'm sure that our listeners are going to take away a lot of hope and strength from it.

    John Boyle: Thank you. God bless.

    Sadaf Beynon: Thank you. And for everyone listening, be sure to check out John's book. It's an [00:44:00] Amazon bestseller, I'm not sure if you mentioned that. And as always, thanks for tuning in to What's the Story. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. Remember, no matter the challenge, there's always a way forward.

    Until next time, bye for now.

    Matt Edmundson: And just like that, we have reached the end of another fascinating conversation. Now remember to check out Crowd Church at www. crowd. church, even if you might not see the point of church. We are a digital church on a quest to discover how Jesus can help us live a more meaningful life. We are a community, a space to explore the Christian faith, and a place where you can contribute and grow.

    And you are welcome at Crowd Church. Don't forget to subscribe to the What's The Story Podcast on your favourite podcast app, because we've got a treasure trove of inspiring stories coming your way, and we would basically hate for you to [00:45:00] miss any of them. And just in case no one has told you yet today, remember you are awesome.

    Yes, you are. Created awesome. It's just a burden you have to bear. What's the Story is a production of Crowd Church. Our fantastic team, including Anna Kettle, Sadaf Beynon, and me, Matt Edmundson and Tanya Hutzalak, work behind the scenes tirelessly to bring you all these fabulous, Stories. Our theme song is a creative work of Josh Edmundson.

    And if you're interested in the transcript or show notes, head over to our website, whatsthestorypodcast. com. And whilst you're there, sign up for our free weekly newsletter to get all of this goodness delivered straight to your inbox. So that's it from all of us this week here at What's The Story. Thank you so much for joining us.

    Have a fantastic week wherever you are in the world. We'll catch you next time. Bye for [00:46:00] now.

 
 

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